Your mobile Facebook app alerts you to a new friend request.
WHAT???? WHO???? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!
The last time you spoke to them you were red-faced, tear-streaked, humiliated and desperate. They dumped you. (Or, the other way around...the last time you spoke to them, THEY were red-faced, tear-streaked, humiliated and desperate...and you just wanted OUT!) NOW they want to be your friend on Facebook???
Do you...
(a) "ignore" and never look back.
(b) scope out the profile and THEN hit "ignore".
(c) choose "confirm" and ignore their existence.
(d) choose "confirm" and let by-gones be by-gones.
(e) choose "confirm" and then go check out your OWN profile to see what it looks like from the perspective of an ex-boyfriend seeing it for the first time.
Forgive me, dear readers...but, with the VERY RARE exception, I really don't need to be friends with my ex-boyfriends on Facebook -- and I CERTAINLY would NEVER be the instigator of said friendship!!!
It's bad enough when you get those awkward friend requests from Cool Kid or Not-So Cool Kid who you barely knew and aren't even sure if you share any connections outside attending the same high school and MAYBE the same graduating class. I am dying to say to them, "We didn't find it necessary to be friends when we lived in the same neighborhood and/or attended the same school, why on Earth should we be friends NOW?" But, instead, I weigh the factors carefully and selectively confirm or ignore on a case-by-case basis. (In some cases, this decision has actually hinged upon consulting other Facebook friends -- thank goodness for that "you have 7 mutual friends" alert!)
It's times like these when I roll my eyes at Facebook. Sometimes it feels like the 5th year of high school....and high school REALLY doesn't need to extend beyond four, now does it? (If you answer yes to this, perhaps you should analyze your own Facebook friend requesting patterns.)
So, for future reference, Random Person That Apparently Went To My High School, it's nothing personal...but if you're the type who sends out friend requests to everyone Facebook recommends as long as you vaguely recognize their name, just skip right over poor little me, please. And don't take it personally if you never hear back from that friend request you sent. It can't be personal because I DON'T KNOW YOU!
Except in the case of ex-boyfriends. I do know you and it is personal. That part was decided LONG AGO, buddy.
Now, if you'll excuse me...I have some profiles to go check out.
(I'll let you decide who's profile I'm headed to....)
Recently, I came to the realization that I need a little more gratitude in my life. Perhaps it was when I noticed my old friend Cheryl over at Second Glantz has started a gratitude journal on her iPhone. (I poked around and, unfortunately, no such application exists for my darling Pink Lady II.) I hadn't forgotten this inspiration when I read a post by another gal I like, The Roaming Southerner. She's working on keeping up with some motherly advice and balancing her freaking funny sarcasm with some positive thinking.
Then, lucky for you, serendipity struck. Last week a "newbie" reader was kind enough to pop her head in and (I know you're going to be shocked at this) actually leave a comment! I, being the good and curious Blogger Babe that I am, had to check out her blog. She's quite funny and, apparently, has a very unique digestive system. Anyhow, I added her to my Reader and her gift showed up on my iGoogle today: Happy Friday.
Yes, I am completely aware that it is now Saturday morning as I write this. How could I miss that? I'm sitting here, glamorously dressed in my knit pjs, long robe, sexy penguin slippers with unbrushed hair and no make-up as my girls proceed to chow down on the morning biscuits and strew fake food all over the den while changing from one sparkly skirt, lacy dress, princess tiara, tap shoes, hats and jewelry to another. But isn't tardiness in keeping with the rest of my life? I hope, in the spirit of gratitude, you will find it in your heart to overlook this small, minor detail.
Regardless, I shall now find some small events from my week to recognize and share with you.
1. Last night, after a very long week, I found a burst of energy after I caught Bo ripping up a dry pull-up all over the den floor to vacuum my den. This, in turn, spread to the guest room and hallway. Just typing these words is inspiring me to dash to the linen closet, retrieve my beast of a vacuum cleaner and continue my vacuuming spree to complete the remaining rooms. I reveled in the joy that only vacuum cleaner tracks can bring to me. It was fabulous.
2. Each night this week I found the time and energy to be productive. So productive, in fact, that I actually feel like I'm (Darn it. I'm about to jinx myself.) within a stone's throw of actually being NEAR caught up. Whew. I mean, give me three more weeks like that and I'm there, baby! It's a great feeling.
3. I need to celebrate the excellence in customer service that Verizon demonstrated this past week. "The Pink Lady I" had to be put down. (Loyal readers may have noticed my above reference to the "Pink Lady II".) It all started with my overzealous desire to increase the size of my micro-SD card. This bad case of Micro-Memory Envy quickly spiraled out of control until even the most drastic of procedures could not save her. I will miss her, but her successor is doing a fine job and shows no signs of illness. The experts at Verizon did their best to save the original Pink Lady. They showed great compassion for my needs and even shipped the new Pink Lady to me courtesy overnight to minimize the emotional suffering caused by such a loss. I would like to thank them for their kindness in such a difficult time for me.
4. I wore a tiara all day Friday without anyone looking at me like I was crazy. I love my job.
With that, I shall conclude this tiny look into my gratitude for the week. Perhaps I will be good and show this gratitude again next week, perhaps not. I'm not very good at routine lately.
I hope, perhaps, I've spread the spirit of gratitude to you, dear readers. If so, please feel free to leave a comment here. Enlighten us with a sampling of your own personal gratitude, won't you?
I'm sure you've heard the old addage, "You lay down with dogs and you wake up with fleas." Have you ever felt like a friend was a bad influence on you? Recently, I've realized that I've got just such a friend.
We'll call her..."Tiffany". Tiffany is like a gateway drug. She is my portal to addiction. Perhaps, I should explain.
First of all, Tiffany is the reason this blog exists. As well as my THREEotherblogs. (Can you say NEUROTIC, boys and girls?) Tiffany is the reason I twitter. Tiffany is the reason I Googled my life a few years back. Or whenever it was - I've lost track. Let me check my Google Calendar... Tiffany is the reason I, subsequently, needed a Blackberry. And, finally, Tiffany is the reason I recently experimented AGAIN.
To be fair, I can take blame for her "involvement" (I really wouldn't classify it as an addiction) in Facebook....as well as a few others. And, like a good little addict (You know I try to be the best at everything I do. None of this wishy-washy, willy-nilly stuff for me.), I try to recruit as many new Blackberry users, twitterers, and bloggers as possible, too. But, I wouldn't be "spreading the word" if it weren't for her. (Think: pyramid scheme.)
Now, don't get me wrong...I love Tiffany. (Don't worry, Mr. Starbucks Man. It's not the same as you and me.) Our Little Darlings get along, we have a lot in common, we laugh together, we see eye-t0-eye about a lot of Really Important Teacher Stuff, she gives me gifts...it's a good thing. (Which is lucky, because she keeps telling me she may be moving in with me next year.)
I think now, dear readers, would be a good time to tell you about my latest experimentation.
You see, Tiffany has been granted this Very Exciting Professional Opportunity. She's going to host a "blog tour" with a REAL AUTHOR to promote their new book. Now, in typical Tiffany fashion, she had to think big. So, what did she decide to do? Well, she's hosting the book talk in Second Life.
Being the Gateway to the Empire of Addictions, as she is, this is not the first time she's pitched Second Life to me. Prior to this upcoming event, it seemed too "Little Brother" for me. (My brother Jethro is fluent in the online gaming world.) It also reminded me of a CSI episode I saw a long time ago (a "long time ago" in TV Land time, that is). I decided it was NOT FOR ME.
However, I'm not afraid of a little experimentation. I can handle something a little "outside my boundaries", right? I live on the edge. I can strut my stuff on the wild side, too, right?
I sucked it up and registered for Second Life.
Woah.
"Standing" in Second Life, taking care of a few priorities first (sculpting the perfect face and body), I flashed back to my first frat party at UF.
There I was, this street-stupid girl withissues about crowds, standing amidst a sea of nearly professional drinkers. A sea of STRANGERS. Well, all except my street-smart Miamian roommate. I'll never forget the moment someone said "5-0". I stood motionless, completely unaware and oblivious, until my guardian roommate took action and drug me along. As I followed her stupidly, she had to explain to me that "5-0" means COPS. (Turned out to be a prank, by the way. But it wouldn't have mattered to me, right? I don't like beer.)
How was it the same, you ask? Well, not unlike the fraternity party, I felt completely inferior to others around me. I felt completely vulnerable. I wanted to be invisible. I prayed that no one tried to talk to me - or, worse, proposition me. I wanted to make a sign to hang above my head that said, "New here. Don't come near me." Or, a sign that said, "I'm not here to have fun. I just want to look decent for this teacher thing coming up." I considered playing mute. (That wasn't too far from the truth. I was definitely handicapped.)
To make a long story short, I don't think SL is compatible with my computer, which is a good thing. I don't think I'm ready for that...yet. So, if you are a Second Lifer, and you happen to run into this newbie gal named "Ella Rembrandt" who is standing somewhere staring at a wall - don't bother trying to talk to her. Just walk the other way...
As for Tiffany and I? No hard feelings. I love her like a druggie loves their dealer.
Will you be my BFF?
**Author's Note: As it turns out, the plans have changed for the blog book tour. It will not be hosted in Second Life...but, that's another blog post.**
I shared an engaging conversation with my Big Brother (we'll call him Abner) last night. (By the way, this is someone whom I hope to, one day, invite to write a guest post.) Our conversation ranged from hopeful gratitude to resigned bitterness. This conversation was on my mind for a while afterwards, and still today. So much so, in fact, that I've decided to take a few moments to wallow in a bit of bitterness and gratitude.
Bitter To the Bitter End
I'm not bitter about much, but there are a few things that really chafe me, a few things of which I just cannot let go. Here are three off the top of my head.
1. Badly behaved stars who STILL make millions of dollars on each movie/album. (Side note: I have no idea if it is appropriate to refer to them as "albums", since NO ONE that I know of produces vinyl anymore. I consideredcalling it a CD, but then I realized that many people skip those now and download straight to the iPod. So, forgive my ignorance and insert whatever it is you call a collection of songs nowadays.) I mean, please, people. Think about Tom Cruise's embarrassing behavior towards sweet, cute, smart and simply wonderful Matt Lauer a while back. Doesn't he deserve to be dropped down a notch on the Pay Scale o'Super Stars after that embarrassing display? Or, for another example, Brittany Spears. What a disaster! Don't you agree her "albums" should be placed in the Bargain Bin after such a rediculous series of events? Russell Crow's repeated outbursts and anger fits. Lindsay Lohan's drunken and drugged escapades. Naomi Campbell's temper tantrum and cell phone throwing. Come on, people...are there no consequences in this world?
** I'm sure you can understand why Tom Cruise, in particular, ticked me off in this clip. As a former sufferer of post-partum depression..and currently require said psychiatric drugs to function in life, I beg to differ with his opinions. Besides the fact, Brooke Shields is my girl.
2. Calories in chocolate. PLEASE, PEOPLE! Chocolate should be considered PHARMACEUTICAL and, therefore, CALORIE FREE! I mean, scientists can clone sheep, concoct triple cocktails to sustain life with HIV, make seedless watermelons...but you can't muster up the brainpower to take the calories out of chocolate??? I feel certain there is a demand for it. Perhaps I should start selling brown, magnetic ribbons to put on the back of our cars in support of Calorie Free Chocolate Research. (Please note, I do NOT in ANYWAY intend to belittle the need for supporting other, very valid and important causes, such as Breast Cancer or Autism. I just think the Calorie Free Chocolate Movement deserves respect, too.)
3. The Fall of 80's Dance Moves. I know you've heard the phrase "white men can't dance". HELLO??? In the 80's, EVERYONE COULD DANCE! Now, don't get intimidated, folks. I'm not necessarily referring to the slightly more tricky moves, such as the Roger Rabbit, the Running Man, or the Robot. Nor am I referring to the complex, specialized form of dance referred to as "Break Dancing". That stands alone in a class of its own. I'm talking about the classic bounce, clap, side-step combo that allowed every man, woman and child acceptance on a dance floor. If we can just bring those moves back into popularity, Fire Daddy may actually dance with me in public (without having a pitcher of a certain brewed adult beverage first).
Gratitude: It's a Good Thing.
Readers, I know we all have stress in our lives. You don't want to read a blog filled with such depressing negativity. In an effort to leave you on a positive note today (I couldn't bear to lose one of my eleven, precious followers) I feel compelled to demonstrate my gratitude for the good things in life. Of course, I could go on for days about how grateful I am for my family, friends, children, home, country, blah blah blah...but that's a given, right? You already know how eternally grateful I am forthe Pink Lady, the Hornet, Starbucks workers, and my drug-induced sanity, so I won't bore you with those details again. Here, though, are a few items I think you might appreciate.
1. Completely immature comedies. I admit it. I am a BIG FAN of stupidity on the silver screen. I mean, one of the movies that made me laugh more than any other I can recall is Waiting(not to mention the fact that cute, adorable, funny Ryan Reynolds played one of the main characters). You would be hard-pressed to find more grotesque and inappropriate humor than that found in this movie. I also simply ADORE nearly any movie that Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller and/or Adam Sandler make. I am not so proper that I cannot laugh at bodily functions and embarrassing mishaps (that may, or may not, involve indecent exposure). For those of you who are, I say - get over yourself, lighten up, and live a little.
2. Music videos on the gym televisions. Are you ready for another confession? I do not yet own an iPod, or even a generic MP3 player. Yes. Me. Twitterer, blogger, Blackberry-addicted ME. I recently bought an 8 gig chip for my Blackberry, in hopes of using it as an MP3 player, but I've been experiencing some technical difficulties and haven't had a chance to drag my busy bootie into the phone store for technical support. So, in the meantime, I rely solely on Bailey's Gym TV. Thank goodness for that! Without this, albeit predictable, mix of Madonna, Avril Lavigne, Gwen Stefani, Olivia Newton John, and various other artists that I do not know by name (I'm horrible with names of famous people...until they're badly behaved and they make it to the black list), I would be stuck. Alone on the treadmill with muted Fox News, ESPN, CNN, infomercials (at 4 AM), reruns of X-Files, and various versions of cheesy law enforcement reality shows. I wouldn't make it past the first mile. Ever.
3. Mrs. Paul's, Tyson, Campbell's, and cereal. Aaaaah...how I love thee, let me count the ways. 'Tis better to serve junk than serve nothing at all, right? As a working mother, I cannot count the nights when I have been without resources, energy, or withitness to plan a proper meal for my pretty princesses. However, thanks to Mrs. Paul's, they can eat fish (in the form of a stick). Thanks to Tyson, let them eat chicken (nuggets). A hearty bowl of Disney Princess or Dora soup, on occasion, courtesy of Campbell's. And, when all else fails, Froot Loops it is.
I suppose I should have included Nabisco, as well, in appreciation of their breakfast options. Is it bad that my two year-old refers to Fig Newtons as "breakfast cookies"? They're filled with 100% real fruit....
4. Uniforms and Foreign Accents. Need I say much about this? Isn't it fairly self-explanatory? Either of these two attributes is enough to make nearly any man or woman a god/goddess of love in the eyes of the opposite sex. Let's just say...if I keep practicing my Mary Poppins accent with the Little Princesses, and happen to take up volunteering at a local hospital, I'd be beating them off with a stick!
It all started when I made a new best friend. I call her, The Pink Lady. She's pretty. She's skinny. (I should be so lucky!) Her two favorite colors are my two favorite colors (pink and black). She LOVES to talk....and chat...and twitter...and Facebook. (Funny how it has become a verb, isn't it?) She and I go EVERYWHERE together. I feel naked without her.
My Blackberry an I have become inseparable. I have, as a friend put it, "pimped out" my phone to include Facebook, twitter, and Google apps. The world is at my fingertips!
Consequently, my fingertips are very busy lately. It is so easy to connect with the world in 140 characters or less, that I have, inadvertently, become unmotivated to blog. It seems like such a big commitment to sit down and write a whole post!!!(What??? I don't have that kind of time!!! I can't focus for that long!!! Give me the 30 seconds or less version, please.)
I've considered posting. Really, I have. But, I just can't seem to think of something worthy of a post! However, during the time since my last post, I am embarrassed to say, I have found the need to post nearly 100 "worthy" updates -- on twitter alone!
I never thought I'd see this day come. I have become noncommittal. Apparently, I am just looking for a one night stand. No relationships. Just tweet and run.
