Showing posts with label but that's another post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label but that's another post. Show all posts

Monday, February 8, 2010

Work Space Confessions

Mrs. Taggart told my mom that my desk was messy.  She showed her all the incomplete worksheets, and complete worksheets, crammed into my pocket school desk.  I don’t remember or not if she dug out the love notes from Christopher or not, but they were in there, too.  I remember.  That was first grade.

Today, for the umpteenth time, I reassured a concerned and embarrassed parent that their child - guilty of cramming study guides and other such paperwork in the bottom of backpacks, leaving them strewn and tucked about in a classroom, or “accidentally” throwing them away before they had a chance to make it home - would be OK.  Once again today, I confessed my own history of congested administrative arteries.  My own paperwork circulatory system has long been crippled.

This is not the first time I’ve confessed these office sins here.  But, yet again, I feel the need to bare my truths. 

Truths, like this…

desktop.BMP

 

Go ahead. Click on it to dig deeper.  It’s quite revealing.

Just outside of this photo you might find other random items, such as: a used ink cartridge waiting for me to take to school for our corporate contributions drive, a spool of pink grosgrain ribbon, a bottle of nail polish, two bobby pins, two pen caps from the remaining MIA writing utensils after BabyGirl’s weekend round of oh-so-NOT-cute game of “Pen Bandit” (i.e. hiding uncapped pens all over the house, sending me into a mad panic as I franticly envisioning large pools of black ink on my upholstered furniture), a scratched pair of sunglasses I need to throw away (Never mind. Just checked that one off the list.), and – le pièce de résistance – a 3/4-inch plastic dog tail.  Not the dog…just the tail.

 

While I am an extremely cyclic person and tend to have bouts of neat & tidy organization followed by stretches of “I’ll deal with this later – bigger fish to fry today,” disarray, I have come to accept my piles.  It is a love-hate relationship I have with them.  I hate the actual piles and feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration I get from them, but I love the processes from which they result. 

1. Good intentions.  Look – I buy a book about organizing my space and my life…I read some of it…I get overwhelmed by the first week checklist telling me to get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep per night (I wish), jot a To Do list each morning (Have you met my daughters?), start a journal (check), limit television (check), schedule 2-minute breaks two to three times a day to “just be” (whaaa???), practice meditating (I’d love to…), schedule time to exercise (I try), schedule more “me time” (more than the six minutes per day???), eliminate energy drains on your life (You want me to retire and move away?), and “take control” of your time (This lady’s an idiot.)…ALL IN THE FIRST WEEK!!!  If I could do that in a week, why the heck did I need to buy this freaking 52-week guide to organizing my life???

2. Creative endeavors.  Cooking, sewing, writing, photography…This is the good stuff. I love these things. If those parts of my life leave evidence on my surroundings, so be it.  I will leave my mark happily.

3.  Thrift. On second thought, perhaps this should go in the “good intentions” category. 

4. Motherhood.  Ask me why I have pink grosgrain ribbon, a crumpled-up-no-longer-sticky post-it note with a butterfly drawn on it, random pen caps floating, a funky popsicle stick flower stuck in a wooden pot, a Lois Lowry chapter book, a sea green crayon and a Hello Kitty digital camera on my desk.  My babies.  I love my babies.  This is my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

One of my favorite quotes comes from an unlikely source.   

“Homes are for free expression, not first impressions.”

My piles are not a problem, they are a side effect of an alive and wonderfully diverse mind.

 

 

Now, my desk at work is a whole different story…but that’s another post entirely.

This post was submitted as a part of the {W}rite-of-Passage: Challenge #9. 

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Cold.

snowflakeEven in Florida, it has been darn right cold outside this week. The kind of cold that makes you crave pajamas. Sweat pants. Big, squishy, crew socks. Hoodies. Blankets and quilts. Blazing fires in your fireplace and hot cocoa -- or the “grown-up” version of cocoa, hot lattes.

My bed has taken quite good care of me each night; a quilt, and sometimes a throw blanket, layered on top of my coverlet. Even with the assistance of a crow bar, I would still struggle to pry myself loose from its warm embrace. My personal bed heaters, Bo and Daisy, have risen to the occasion beautifully. Bo dutifully curls up by my feetsies, keeping my sock-clad toesies warm. Daisy wads her balled-up self under my arm and, on occasion, moves to my pillow in the night, molding to the top of my head like a canine stocking cap.

My kitchen, this week, has pumped out comfort food: crock-pot chicken with dressing, pork chops, chili, spaghetti, and, coming soon, asparagus & green pea risotto. For this weekend, I’m planning a roast, cooked over the course of the day. On Monday, we celebrated a successful first day back to “the grind” with a fresh batch of fudge brownies and tall glasses of skim milk.

Ironically, this week (by far the coldest week in recent memory) BigGirl’s homework included star gazing. Star gazing. In freezing temperatures. So, she and FireDaddy bundled up in their warmest winter gear, and spent time in the dark night yard, searching for constellations.  Orion, Cassiopeia, Lepus… The Lollipop. They shivered as they came inside, sporting red noses, rosy cheeks, and excited smiles.  They talked loudly and with renewed energy as they told BabyGirl and I their every observation.

Each night this week, the girlies have prayed for snow, wishing against all odds that the magic of inside-out jammies would bring a winter weather miracle to Florida. BigGirl has gone so far as wearing three layers inside out…an undershirt, and two layers of pajamas – all inside-out. Each morning, BabyGirl has crept straight from sleep, eyes filled with hope, to the sliding glass door to check for snow. Each day, these hopeful girlies have been disappointed only momentarily, realizing they can try again tonight, and maybe tomorrow will be different.

While much of me is tired of the frivolous annoyances brought on by the cold – covering plants, dripping faucets, the weight of extra coats, bundling up protesting children, searching closets, drawers and hampers for weather-appropriate clothes for the girlies, starting the car early each morning and carrying blankets to warm my Drama Princesses on the way to school – I must admit that much of me has enjoyed it.  In some ways, it is a fun, refreshing change of pace.  It’s fun to wear scarves and hats and gloves and tights and boots.  Create a new look, a new “cold weather you”.  It’s fun to cozy up in the big bed together, shivering between cold sheets.  It’s such a treat to enjoy a warm fire (especially living with FireDaddy…but that’s another post) and feel your heart flutter at the prospect of future flurries. 

The cold has returned pieces of my childhood to my mind.  The smell of snow.  Counting marshmallows in my hot chocolate.  Watching the way those marshmallows slowly soften and get bubbly as they melt into my warm treat.  My Mama relentlessly prodded and stoked the fire.  Daddy, in his Wellington boots, stocking cap, brown jacket and gloves, replenished firewood from stacks out back.  I remember how cold my feet were as they walked on the tile in our Texas home, and how, as I played outside, my fingers and face stung long before I confessed my chill to anyone.  A gray winter sky hung low above brown, dormant yards.  Barren gray trees stretching from cold red clay to touch heavy clouds.  Freezing cold air carried the smell of burning wood to my nose.  I hear the crunch of snow under my feet and remember stiffly walking in my heavy winter jacket and boots.  One year, the lake froze and I stood fearful on the safety of the back law, watching in awe as my crazy uncles walked out onto the ice, playing and goofing around like a bunch of overgrown boys.  One year, the unexpected sight of snow in the morning as I woke up at a friend’s house made me homesick.  You should be at home when it snows, I thought.  I missed My Mama and My Daddy and my brothers.

I’m a little homesick today at the thought of it all. 

Hello there, Winter.  I’ve missed you, too.

 

Photo credits:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/elifayse/ / CC BY 2.0

However….

…What I DON’T like is being hollered at by two too-young-boys headed through the “out” door of Target as I race through the “in” door, “Hey girl!”

I turn my head to see if I recognize that voice.  I don’t.  Not having time or interest in this sort of nonsense, I nod and keep up my brisk pace.

“I like ya boots,” he called out behind me.

 

That sort of attention just doesn’t make me feel girlie.  It makes me want to reply, “You do?  So does my husband!  And my six and three year-old daughters.  …What’s the matter?  Why are you in such a hurry, young man?”

 

Twerp.

Monday, January 4, 2010

I lied.

I guess I lied.  girlie

I am making one New Year’s resolution.  In 2010, I want to wear more lipstick.

You see, here’s the deal…

I like feeling girlie.

 

I like wearing boots with my dresses.  I like wearing necklaces, especially long ones.  I like my hair long and my mascara blackest black. 

I have this dress that comes off the shoulder just a little bit and I love, love, love it. 

I love hats, even if my brother says I look like Blossom. 

I like dangly earrings, especially when my hair is pulled up so you can really see them. 

I love a great pair of heels, especially strappy or open-toed ones.  (Even though I can hardly last a whole day in them anymore.)

I love pearls.  And recently, I’ve decided, the more the merrier.  You only live once.

I love pretty red toenails and pink purses.

 

And, you know what?  As much as men can annoy me, I really like men.  More specifically, I like being a woman in the company of men.  Especially well-behaved men – the ones who still have a shred of gentility. 

I remember one day being in a meeting with my assistant principal (a man) and a deputy superintendent (a man).  It was just the three of us.  (Yeah, um, I was NOT the one in trouble, and we’ll leave it at that…because that’s another post entirely.)  Both of them were probably old enough to be my father…at the very least, an uncle.  The DeputySup was so kind and respectful.  I remember him apologizing to me for mentioning something “in mixed company” – regardless of the fact he handled it extremely professionally and it was completely necessary to the business at hand. 

Both of my brothers tower over me.  And I love it.  I stand about 5’6’’, so I’d hardly consider myself “petite”…but in the company of men, I feel like I am.  I love that.

I love that there are still some men who hold doors open, insist you go before them, smile, call you by name, and ask you how your day is when you pick up your to go meal, and nickname you “Bautiful”, “Gorgeous”, or “Princess” – when they are truly, 100%, just being sweet – no ulterior motives at all.  That is priceless.

And, you know what? I just eat that up. 

 

Let them hold the door.  Let them innocently flirt while I wait for my fries.  Let them call me Gorgeous when they say hello each day.  I just eat it right up.

I smile and make pleasantries and walk a little closer to 5’6 1/2’’. 

Because I like feeling pretty.  I like feeling girlie.

And tomorrow, I’m going to wear my pearls with my boots, paint on some smoky eyes and try a new shade of lipstick.

Maybe next year I’ll try out false eyelashes.

 

**To clarify – my assistant principal was not in trouble either. I don’t want to wrongly imply anything.

***Neither was the Deputy Superintendent.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Crackin’ Open a Can of Christmas

december 001 The sun hadn’t even set on Thanksgiving Day and my “so-called friends” were posting pictures of their Christmas trees on Facebook, making me feel like a slacker.

Then, I went and hurt myself, somehow, and was incapacitated for a day and a half, in a house freshly cleaned from top to bottom in preparation for decorations.

Then, BigGirl woke up with a raging 104.4 fever, and another day was sidetracked.

Gosh darn it, I became hell-bent on putting out some flippin’ red and green already!!! In a typical neurotic fit, I began unloading the Rubbermaid tubs in the garage patiently awaiting my attention. One by one, we smiled at the pillows and cutsies and greeted them like old friends who’d come to visit. “Awww, I remember that…” BigGirl would say.

“Mommy, it’s not Christmas yet. I don’t want you to make dat,” BabyGirl chimed in.

As I, once again, found homes, some new and some the same, for all these familiar faces, I realized how many stories I pull out of the attic every year. (Well, more accurately, FireDaddy pulls them out of the attic…I pull them out of the tubs.)

december 025

Like the “crystal” candy dish my little old next door neighbor gave to us the year we were married, Mrs. Russell. I can see her face and remember the worry we had for her when she was hospitalized for a month or so. I remember her purple God awful reflecting ball she kept in her little courtyard by her front door, and her excitement as she called us over to look at her century plant in bloom. I never would have chosen this for myself, but it reminds me of friendship.

december 026

I have this crazy, random blue metal basket with Santa on it. Every year I pull it out and wonder exactly what I will do with it and where I will put it. But I don’t have the heart to give it away. It was given to me by a sweet, sweet friend I taught with in a past life. She was as country as country gets. And she would give you the shirt off her back, and the diesel dually she rode in on. The basket was filled with sausage (from their own pigs, I believe), corn bread, and bean soup mix. I miss her.

december 008

There’s the toy soldier my mother made, in her toll painting days. He’s so handsome. I have a thing for toy soldiers, I think. You know, being a man in uniform and all. I remember sitting in our kitchen watching her paint these december 007projects. I was impressed with how easy she made it look, and how cool it was that water worked like an eraser when used correctly. I was thrilled when she said I could have it – for the girls, of course.

december 011

I love my green table runner with little red birds appliquéd on it. It’s cheery and looks semi-homemade. (Sometimes illusions are a good thing.) I love all the fabrics that come out of my tubs. Pillows, dolls, animals, stockings, napkins, runners, and more. Fabric has such a warming, inviting effect on a room. And what house doesn’t need a little more warmth in it for the holidays?

I love my basket of Christmas books, a second generation tradition. Since my decembergirlies were so small when I started collecting, we have board books and everything beyond. As they mature and grow, so will this special collection. And, I’ll save the board books for friends’ babies and cousins and nieces and nephews and, one day, grandbabies. I love that it was the first item I pulled out of the garage. I presented it to BigGirl like her first gift of the season – and she received it as such. Both girlies immediately plunged into the basket of treasures, promptly browsing one after another after another. Quietly. Enjoying.

All of these stories and memories and thoughts fumble and bumble around my head like blind little mice. And we haven’t even touched the five (or more) tubs of ornaments yet. That’s another post entirely…

I love Christmas. I love that, like many things, no two are exactly alike. I love that with every little tchotchke I put out every year, I am surrounding myself with memories and faces. I love that decorating your home for Christmas each year is an act of creating. Creating memories. Creating a mood. Creating a backdrop for time spent with people you love.

Christmas is coming. Just you wait.

_____________________________________________________

Psst! Did you hear? Barking Mad is having a Crazy Christmas Giveaway! A $300 TARGET GIFT CARD!!! You know how I feel about Target, y'all...Anyhow, here's her link and all that jazz - go check it out!

Monday, November 30, 2009

I closed my eyes.

waiting room I’m usually not concerned about germs when I visit a doctor’s office.  Call it blissful ignorance or denial, but it isn’t usually something I worry about too much. 

At recent visits to my girlies’ pediatrician, I’ve noticed the ginormous bottle of hand sanitizer sitting out at the sign-in sheet and again at the checkout window.  I’ve taken advantage of those opportunities for added precaution.  But, I didn’t really worry.  Until today.

I visited my own doctor’s office for a back “injury”.  (I say “injury” because, yet again, I have no idea what I’ve done to myself.  When I think more about why I don’t know or remember anything I’ve done to hurt myself, I conclude that I injure myself so frequently that I just don’t even pay attention to them for long anymore.  Except for when I cut off the top of my thumb…but that’s another post.) 

I noticed the lady behind the glass window handing the little old lady signing in before me a mask.  A mask.  Then, my eyes caught sight of the sign sitting on the counter, “Our masks are for your protection.”

 

Eww!  OK.  Now, I’m completely creeped out.

As I step up to the clipboard, I glance down at the two pens on the counter.  One attached by a short chain to the clipboard, the other, a black Paper Mate that has long ago lost its cap, lying nearby.  A little voice in my head reminded me of a warning I’d heard on television, or from a friend, or passing someone in the hall…”Always use your own pens.  Do you know how many people touch those pens?”  

Then I heard my own voice reminding me to calm down.  “I have a killer teacher/mom immune system and this is all just paranoid thinking.”  Plus, I didn’t want to look like a jerk/idiot rifling through my purse that desperately needs to be cleaned out and reorganized looking for a black pen.  Well, looking for any pen that isn’t pink, purple, lime green, or orange.  Or a highlighter.  Or a marker.  (I’m always prepared.)  So, I took a deep breath (and held it), chose a pen, and signed the board.  It was like the office supply version of Russian Roulette. 

 

As I took my place in the waiting crowd, strategically chosen to be equidistant from all the other waiters, I sank four inches into the seat of a chair that had obviously been a popular choice for a while.  I scoped out my fellow waiters…and began to feel very young and very healthy.  Every other person in there was well over 70, frail,…and wearing a mask.  Well, with the exception of their caregivers.  They might pass for mid-40s or greater.  My eyes darted from mask to mask, sizing up the wearers.  Were they sick?  Did they think I was sick?  Should I be worried about catching something, or should I stand up and announce, “Don’t worry.  No germs on me!  I’m just here for a bad back.  You know how it is when you pass 30…it’s all downhill from there, right??  Ha, ha!” 

I needed to consult an expert. 

I texted FireDaddy.

 

Me: they have masks for u to wear in waiting room. it’s creepy.

FireDaddy: it’s going around.

Me: should i wear 1?

FireDaddy: it’s up 2 u

Me: what would u do?

FireDaddy: i’ve been vaccinated

 

And just like that, he left me high and dry.  It was like the dream where you show up somewhere naked, or arrive at an event or work an hour early because you forgot to change your clocks, or when your friend gives you a gift even though you both agreed you wouldn’t exchange gifts!  How could he do that to me?  He scoffs at me for getting the flu shot every year – and then he goes and gets vaccinated for the swine flu?  How selfish is he???  Doesn’t he care about his own wife?  The mother of his children?  THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND THE BEST FRIEND HE’S EVER HAD???

 

The blonde lady behind the glass called my name again.  It was time for me to update my forms, so she handed me a *gasp!* clipboard and form to complete.  This time, I dug into my purse and found my own germ-infested pen to use.  (Let’s face it.  Those pens are used frequently by my own nose-picking, finger-licking, germ-carrying kiddos.)  After all, the germ you know is better than the germ you don’t know, right?  I busied my mind as I completed the redundant form.  Unfortunately, it was an unusually short form - front side only with only two signatures on the back.  That’s it?  When I don’t want to do this kind of stupid paperwork, there’s like five pages of it – asking me questions I practically have to call my mother’s mother to find out the answers to!  Today I get one stinkin’ page – and like a third of the page was “N/A”!!!

I crossed the room carefully, holding my breath, to return my assignment.  As I turned back towards the sinking chair, I noticed the end table with magazines.  Ha!  Not on your life, germie-poos!  I’m not falling for THAT old trick!  (Today…)

And so, I sat.  I brought a book, but couldn’t bring myself to read it in that moment.  I sat and held my purse in my lap, looking like a frightened little ol’woman, I’m sure.  “Please call my name. Please call my name. Please call my name.”

Finally, they called my name.  I moved as quickly as I could with this darn aching back.  (Getting up is really hard these days.)  As I came close to the door to the back of the office, I silently wished the nurse would open the door wider so I didn’t have to get so close to her to pass through the threshold.  I followed her to the scale.

“Don’t you think we could just skip this part today?  After all…it’s right after Thanksgiving…which came on the heels of a month or more of gluttony for me.  Don’t you think?   Please?” 

“Ha. No.”

I shed my shoes, dropped my purse, opened my mouth for the thermometer (telling myself those flimsy plastic covers really can protect me from the creepy germs inside other people’s mouths), stepped on the scale, and I closed my eyes.

 
 

Saturday, September 26, 2009

A very uncharacteristic post, indeed.

FireDaddy announced today, "I'm done with NFL."

Woo-hoo!

I'm thrilled that he has come around to my way of thinking.

First of all, I really don't give two cents about sports, overall. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against sports. They teach kids a lot of valuable skills, they keep teens off the streets and in school, and they are great for building community. But, they're not "my thing".

That is, with the exception of Gator Football.

Glory be, I love the Gators!

I've never been able to get behind any professional teams, especially on a long-term basis. There was the time (this is where I age myself) when the Magic was in the finals and it was, coincidentally, my Senior year in high school. The entire town of Orlando was on fire with their love for the Magic. Shaquille O'Neal had a sister that attended my high school and was in my graduating class. (In fact, Shaquille and I shared the stage momentarily at my graduation, but that's another post...) It was like sacrilege to NOT pull for the Magic. So, I watched the games a little with my Daddy and wrote "The Magic and Me are Winning!" in white shoe polish on the rear window of my little red Mustang. (By the way, I was completely aware that this was grammatically incorrect. I liked the alliteration, OK? And, I thought "Magic and Me" sounded a lot like "Magic IN Me"...I enjoyed taking literary privileges even then.)

Then there was the brief period of time I was a "die-hard" Jaguars fan. I was new to the Jacksonville area. My father-in-law had season tickets and we enjoyed frequenting games with Club Seats. (The ONLY way to experience NFL, if you ask me.) But, after spending a little time in the stands, I quickly realized that the atmosphere in an NFL stadium is nothing like the atmosphere in the Swamp...or any college football stadium, for that matter.

It's a matter of heart. And, it's a matter of money.

I am completely turned off by the monetary motivations behind all things NFL. It's too commercial and that makes it a bit trashy to me. (Here's where I get tacky...) I do not enjoy sitting in stands with middle-aged, overweight, drunken men. I do not enjoy watching adult men report to work on a football field. Personally, I cannot summon loyalty for a team that will drop it all and leave for a few more bucks, especially when they're already making quite a few bucks to begin with.

What I DO enjoy, is singing songs and screaming your heart out on the sidelines of a game filled with passion, tradition, and youth. I love the "your life on the line" feeling the players and fans still feel - even when the game is a given. I love their commitment and drive, even if it does cause them to do stupid things like play football while they have the flu. I love the intense rivalry between foes, especially when they're fun-loving and good-humored about it. (Which, unfortunately, isn't all of them...) That is something I can get behind.

I'll never forget watching the 1996 National Championship game from my parents' couch. I was SO worked up, anxious, and tense my Daddy told me I should take a walk! "Go run around the block!" he laughed.

Last year, my parents, FireDaddy, the girlies and I all watched Florida play in the SEC Championship game from my den. Earlier in the day, BigGirl had danced at a holiday recital. We left as early as possible to rush home and support The Boys from Old Florida. Together, we shared that same sense of urgency and nervous tension. I saw myself in BigGirl's eyes as she bit her lip and pleaded for a win. We broke out good luck pillows and t-shirts; we cheered loud enough to be heard through the television. It was definitely a win we'll remember for a long time to come.

Today, BigGirl and I showed our pride and decked ourselves out in our Gator Girl gear. As we drove down the road, I overheard BabyGirl in the backseat announce to BigGirl, "I SEE GO GATORS!!!" The car beside us proudly flew a Florida flag. Their subsequent conversation was brief, yet adorable. They squealed their delight and sang a quick little cheer.

I know some NFL teams have heart. I know some NFL fans have die-hard loyalty. But, I believe, it's fewer than those without. Blackouts, contracts, criminal players - they've ruined it. And, quite honestly, I wouldn't mind if they go bankrupt. All of them.


Glitterized by flmnetwork.com

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Super Saturdays


I absolutely love Saturday. It is my favorite day of the week. It is the most optimistic of all the days, the most relaxed, the most free. The world lies before you on a silver platter. For once, I feel like I've captured a little bit of that elusive thing called "time".

I love to crawl out of bed before everyone else and steal a few minutes alone. My early rising companions, Bo and Daisy, often join me on the back porch to enjoy the pleasant morning breeze. Some days I read, or write, or talk on the phone to fellow early birds like Mama Dearest. Other days I may just enjoy breakfast in peace.

I love to lounge around for hours before getting dressed. The morning kids' shows with BigGirl and Littlest Princess, internet surfing and blog reading are all well and good, but mostly - it's just delaying the chore of getting dressed that I enjoy.

I love propping up on my bed after it's been made. My bedroom, gently lit by filtered sunshine, is a cool and relaxing place. It's even better when the house has a slight chill, making my throw blanket necessary for cozying.

And Saturday television is the best. Years ago, when it was just the BigGirl and I if FireDaddy was at the station, we enjoyed the occasional (OK, so maybe it was more "routine" than "occasional") PBS marathon. For years I was too cheap to pay for cable, so PBS was the best choice around for weekend viewing. We knew what time the cooking show marathon began and we'd memorized the lineup like pros. America's Test Kitchen, Fast Food My Way with Jacques Pepin, Everyday Food, Daisy Cooks!, BBQ U, and Julia child: Lessons With Master Chefs. We both stayed glued to the screen (and our seats) for hours. (Yes, I know that was not the best parenting move for my child's developing young mind. But, luckily, she doesn't seem to have been harmed by my negligence.)

Even as the day comes to a close, even if you realize you've completely wasted away the day, you've still got the hope and promise of one more day off. Sweet, sweet, Sunday...but that's another post.

Sadly, I cannot say I spent my day like this today. I did enjoy some early morning quiet outside with my doggies. I did spend a few hours, after returning home from necessary weekend errands, propped on my bed (even if it was behind my computer working on school stuff). I did get in some quality giggle time with my girlies (even if it was flanked by bickering and whining). And, best of all, I am, once again, putting myself to bed banking on the promise of Sweet Sunday. Tomorrow, I hope to never leave the house at all.


Pssst! This weekend, if you get a chance for some relaxing internet surfing and blog reading, be sure to stop by my buddy's blog. Even though she's in Portugal right now (and has posted some GORGEOUS pics of her vacation), she's hosting an anniversary giveaway. Just keep your paws off the coffee cozy. It's mine, babe.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Sweet Dreams


Baby Girl tearfully tip-toed into my room tonight with her precious Pinkie [baby blanket]. She had a bad dream.

My life has been plagued by dreams, both good and bad. Perhaps this goes back to a post I started (and abandoned) earlier this evening on imagination; perhaps it's something different, I don't know. But I live in awe - and fear - of my dreams.

My dreams are as real as they come, and they always have been. For as long as I can remember, after I ate my breakfast (once it was deemed "safe" to tell them by my mother) retellings of my night life have been met with remarks about their details and lengths. More times than not, if I remember anything of what I've dreamed, I remember it as clearly as day. I can tell you what I was wearing, describe the setting "to a t", replay conversations verbatim, and - the emotions. That's the most powerful of all. The emotions are raw. Pure. Intense. Consuming.

Perhaps this is why I have also have so many memories of tip-toeing into my parents bedroom at night.

My own little teary person would tenderly, slowly step into my parents room; stalling at the threshold to listen to their breathing (or snoring, whatever the case may be). My heart cried for them to please, please wake up. Most times they would continue sleeping soundly as I crept to Daddy's side of the bed. I can remember sitting on the spare pillow that lay by his bed. My, surely snotty, little nose sniffing as I sat silently near his sleeping body...staring. Intently. Willing him to wake up and save me from my sadness and fear.

I never spoke. I never said his name. I just...waited.

He always woke up. He always knew it was me. He always knew why I was there.

And he always let me climb into the middle of their bed, be comforted by their familiar scents and sounds, and safely fall back to sleep.

I remember the way my mother's speech sounded different in the night - with her mouthguard in. (We suffer from bruxism...add that to my list...) Their voices were quiet and broken by sleep. Their heavy heads never lifted far from their pillows. Daddy's hand softly rubbed my head, a habit he had perfected in my infancy. I welcomed those familiar things.

Now, as an adult, there are nights I would still do it all over again, were they near enough. My dreams continue to disturb me. Sadly, my Littlest Princess seems to be touched in this way, too. While I cannot change her dreams or take them away - and in many ways, I would never want to - I hope one day she will have memories like mine. Because, in the end, it's not the dreams I remember most, it's being saved.


**Author's Note: I considered providing examples of my dreams in this post, to help you understand. But, I decided that' s another post entirely...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A New Project

So, my sister-in-law, Tammy, texted me today after she read about Big Girl's near miss with the law. 

I want to know:  What kind of keys was she planning on putting on that "hot" keychain?  Or is a "hot" mustang next on the list??  

Let's not plant any seeds, OK?

With that, she promptly got me going on my next project.  Just the rebound I need.  I have a good history with rebounds.  I married my last one, you know...but that's another post entirely.

As I recover from the slap in the face my parenting journey just dealt me this weekend, I suspect this sentimental look at motherhood is a fix I sorely need today.  I also expect it will be accompanied by its own fair share of tears on my part, as its timing is right on the heels of the sad culmination of a book I'd been reading.  Needless to say, any tears shed at this late hour, won't be the first of the day.

According to Her Bad Mother, I'm supposed to share with you five trinkets of motherhood I would love to tuck away in the safety of the box my grandmother gave me years ago, alongside a two dollar bill and locks of baby hair.  Then, as the ritual goes, I'm supposed to tag five more mothers who blog - so they can continue this virtual journey around the world in "80 clicks".  

Alright, buckle up, folks.  This boat is setting sail.

1.  I love to watch them sleep, cuddled together like kittens.  Their long, thick lashes lay softly in perfectly neat little semi-circles against their smooth, milky skin.  Their little lips - pink painted on with the tiniest, delicate brush.  Their breathing smooth until they flail and rustle in their sleep.  Arms flopping all over one another.  Their slumber too deep to be disturbed.

2.  I love the glee in riding with the windows rolled down.  As tiny babies, the wind made them catch their breath.  Now, as they grow, the more refreshing and invigorating the wind is to them.  We drive shamelessly through town, singing at the top of our lungs, dancing like mad women, uninhibited by onlookers in the next lane.  I am transported back in time to my high school days - driving around town in a red mustang with my best friend - behaving the same.  

3.  I love playing on the floor with them.  We don't just do puzzles or play Barbies.  We rollick and roll -- we do cartwheels and jump on the mini-trampoline and sing and dance and play "break-break" and airplane and they squeal and scream as I hold them upside down above me while they cling to my legs.  We hide eggs in the house in June and even November.  We paint on the glass door.  We squirt each other with the hose.  We sing songs.  We laugh until we cry and sometimes wet our pants.  

4.  I love to talk to them.  I love to hear their thoughts.  Their tales.  Their perspective on the world around them.  I want to crawl inside their heads and see what goes on in there.  I want to watch the movie of their day from where they stood.  Then, I'd slide down into their chests and study their hearts.  And before I climb back out again, I'd hold it. I'd hug it.  I'd cradle it and cry over it.  There is nothing so precious to me in this world.  My baby's heart.  My heart.  

5.  I love seeing them everyday.  I love their companionship.  I love their smiles.  Their hugs.  Their kisses.  Their grumps.  Their fusses and whines.  I love their presence in my home and in my life.  I love hearing them in the backseat.  I love seeing them in my rearview mirror.  I love that my television is perpetually on Disney, pillows never stay where they're put, books are never reshelved, blankies are on my kitchen floor, sticker charts hang on the bathroom door, small furniture is in every room of my house, and my refrigerator, my desk, my bedside table, my car, my walls, and my heart is decoupaged with their smiles.

I love being a mom.  I wouldn't have it any other way.



Your turn.  Go.  Wallow in it.



Be sure to come back and share your link.  

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Bad Habits

I have GOT to do something about my bad habits!

For one, I've developed a very bad habit of NOT waking up in the morning. Well, I guess technically I do EVENTUALLY wake up...but not until an hour to two hours after my I.W.T. (Intended Waking Time). I used to be good at this. Just a few short years ago, I was heading out the door to the gym by 4:15 AM every morning Fire Daddy was on the premises. Yes, you read that correctly. FOUR. A. M.

Now, I faithfully set my alarm - correction, alarmS (I set my clock and the Pink Lady each night) - for four, 4:15, 4:30...and repeatedly press snooze on both alarms until nearly 6:00 AM (sometimes later). This, as you can imagine, does not delight Fire Daddy. In fact, I'm beginning to suspect he might be a bit annoyed with this recent change in my morning routine.

Another bad habit I really MUST do something about involves candy. A lot of candy. Have you ever noticed how addicting those cute little bite-sized candies, like M&Ms and Skittles, are? Oh. My. Gosh. I can eat WAAAAY more of those each day than I care to admit.

I partially blame my work environment. I am a teacher. Schools -- elementary schools -- have more candy than Carter's has pills! I am surrounded by it! Wherever I go, there it is, ready for me to snag another bite, another handful, another Fun Size bag. Perhaps it's my coworker's cutie-patootie little bubble gum machine candy jar, or the bottomless bowl of sugary sweets in the mail room, or the permanent jar of M&Ms that resides on that desk I walk past fifty times per day in the office, or my own candy basket in my own classroom. And it doesn't stop when I leave school for a meeting or inservice. Little chocolate fairies seem to sprinkle tiny treats everywhere I go.

I MUST remember how to say NO. I am no longer 16. (Oh my goodness, I'm almost twice that.) My high school days of sitting in television production class after Second Lunch, surrounded by a flock of boys, as I popped my Skittles (sorted, first, by color) one by one - are gone. No longer can I be "The Skittle Queen", as they so lovingly dubbed me. I must rely on something other than sugar to get me through my afternoons without a bad case of The Slumps or The Grumps. (Those sweet boys were so thoughtful. They quickly learned to recognize the symptoms and never failed to send a runner for that all important red bag on days I was without. ...I wonder what happened to them. Maybe I can find them on Facebook....but that's another post.)

Finally, I know you might be shocked to hear this, but I seem to have developed a rather crippling addiction to caffeine as of late. One day last week, I realized just before dinner that every beverage I had consumed that day contained caffeine. I mean every last one of them. I began my day with a triple venti skinny vanilla latte from some cute little coffee joint I frequent. I chased that latte with a series of Diet Cokes from my office mini-fridge. As I finally found myself choosing a drink to accompany my evening meal (probably something terribly healthy, by the way), I was at a loss. I was ashamed as I reflected on my day's liquid intake.

Consequently, I made a decision to REDUCE (no cold turkey for me) my caffeine intake to one beverage per day. (Note: A triple latte is still, technically, one beverage. It is served in one cup.) I am thankful for my Caffeine Drinkers Anonymous support network on twitter. They encouraged me to stick with it through the headaches, use Excederin as a crutch, and they, inevitably, overlooked my falling off the wagon on Day 3. And Day 5.

In short, I am severely lacking in the Self Discipline Department lately. I really must do something about this.

I'll start tomorrow. Better go set my alarms.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Friends In Low Places

I'm sure you've heard the old addage, "You lay down with dogs and you wake up with fleas." Have you ever felt like a friend was a bad influence on you? Recently, I've realized that I've got just such a friend.


We'll call her..."Tiffany". Tiffany is like a gateway drug. She is my portal to addiction. Perhaps, I should explain.

First of all, Tiffany is the reason this blog exists. As well as my THREE other blogs. (Can you say NEUROTIC, boys and girls?) Tiffany is the reason I twitter. Tiffany is the reason I Googled my life a few years back. Or whenever it was - I've lost track. Let me check my Google Calendar... Tiffany is the reason I, subsequently, needed a Blackberry. And, finally, Tiffany is the reason I recently experimented AGAIN.

To be fair, I can take blame for her "involvement" (I really wouldn't classify it as an addiction) in Facebook....as well as a few others. And, like a good little addict (You know I try to be the best at everything I do. None of this wishy-washy, willy-nilly stuff for me.), I try to recruit as many new Blackberry users, twitterers, and bloggers as possible, too. But, I wouldn't be "spreading the word" if it weren't for her. (Think: pyramid scheme.)



Now, don't get me wrong...I love Tiffany. (Don't worry, Mr. Starbucks Man. It's not the same as you and me.) Our Little Darlings get along, we have a lot in common, we laugh together, we see eye-t0-eye about a lot of Really Important Teacher Stuff, she gives me gifts...it's a good thing. (Which is lucky, because she keeps telling me she may be moving in with me next year.)

I think now, dear readers, would be a good time to tell you about my latest experimentation.



You see, Tiffany has been granted this Very Exciting Professional Opportunity. She's going to host a "blog tour" with a REAL AUTHOR to promote their new book. Now, in typical Tiffany fashion, she had to think big. So, what did she decide to do? Well, she's hosting the book talk in Second Life.


Being the Gateway to the Empire of Addictions, as she is, this is not the first time she's pitched Second Life to me. Prior to this upcoming event, it seemed too "Little Brother" for me. (My brother Jethro is fluent in the online gaming world.) It also reminded me of a CSI episode I saw a long time ago (a "long time ago" in TV Land time, that is). I decided it was NOT FOR ME.

However, I'm not afraid of a little experimentation. I can handle something a little "outside my boundaries", right? I live on the edge. I can strut my stuff on the wild side, too, right?


I sucked it up and registered for Second Life.


Woah.


"Standing" in Second Life, taking care of a few priorities first (sculpting the perfect face and body), I flashed back to my first frat party at UF.

There I was, this street-stupid girl with issues about crowds, standing amidst a sea of nearly professional drinkers. A sea of STRANGERS. Well, all except my street-smart Miamian roommate. I'll never forget the moment someone said "5-0". I stood motionless, completely unaware and oblivious, until my guardian roommate took action and drug me along. As I followed her stupidly, she had to explain to me that "5-0" means COPS. (Turned out to be a prank, by the way. But it wouldn't have mattered to me, right? I don't like beer.)

How was it the same, you ask? Well, not unlike the fraternity party, I felt completely inferior to others around me. I felt completely vulnerable. I wanted to be invisible. I prayed that no one tried to talk to me - or, worse, proposition me. I wanted to make a sign to hang above my head that said, "New here. Don't come near me." Or, a sign that said, "I'm not here to have fun. I just want to look decent for this teacher thing coming up." I considered playing mute. (That wasn't too far from the truth. I was definitely handicapped.)

To make a long story short, I don't think SL is compatible with my computer, which is a good thing. I don't think I'm ready for that...yet. So, if you are a Second Lifer, and you happen to run into this newbie gal named "Ella Rembrandt" who is standing somewhere staring at a wall - don't bother trying to talk to her. Just walk the other way...






As for Tiffany and I? No hard feelings. I love her like a druggie loves their dealer.

Will you be my BFF?


**Author's Note: As it turns out, the plans have changed for the blog book tour. It will not be hosted in Second Life...but, that's another blog post.**

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day.

Little Known Fact #214: Valentine's Day was invented by some lovesick teenaged boy lying around his room, pining for his latest girlfriend's pubescent body. They were just looking for an excuse to get some action.

All this mumbo-jumbo about this mysterious patron saint and legends of a crazy militant Roman emperor outlawing marriage is just a bunch of gump. It's a cover story.

Think about it.



We're coming off the heals of the holiday season. A very romantic, wintry season of gift-giving and traditions involving KISSING. Stealing a peck (or more) under some mistletoe, cuddling together to stay warm in the cold night air, girls swooning over their generous Christmas gifts, staying up late into the night with the object of your desire, stealing a New Year's Eve kiss. This holiday SCREAMS hormones! They needed to keep the momentum going! They needed just one more excuse to score big.
Who else could have done it?

A woman? Women try to get this sort of treatment from their men all year long. What makes you think a woman could have the power to get men throughout the world to behave like this at the same time?

A married man? I think not. Married men dread holidays like this more than anyone else in the world. It's just more pressure. What should I get her? Jewelry? Chocolate? Flowers? A card? Should I take her to dinner? A movie? Do I dare try to get creative and try something new or different? What if she doesn't like it? What if I make her mad? They just clawed their way out of the holiday season, by the skin of their teeth...what on earth would possess them to start that process all over again so soon? (They're not THAT stupid.)

A mother? Besides the above reasons why a woman alone could never have managed this...What would cause a mother to inflict this upon herself? Even IF your man remembers the holiday -- it still means more work for you. Addressing valentines with (or for) your children's classmates, buying teacher gifts, arranging for a babysitter (if you're so lucky to be taken to dinner or a movie), getting yourself dressed and ready (possibly requiring a new garment or shoes) while simultaneously preparing dinner and bathing children before the babysitter arrives (if you don't have to go pick them up). Not to mention finding time to buy a card or present for your husband. IN ADDITION to the usual routines and duties involved in running a household, parenting children, working outside the home, and being a wife-mother-daughter-sister-aunt-friend.






Valentine's Day Myth #69: The amount of time you spend primping on Valentine's Day is a direct indicator of how much you're "into" your valentine.

It's absurd, I know. However, some people actually believe this! I challenge you to do a little people watching on Valentine's Day night sometime. Notice the young couple (early college?) dressed up like they're going to a homecoming dance. Notice the high school kids at the movies - the girls wearing entirely too much make-up and the boys reeking of cologne. Their pores are actually oozing Obsession and Drakkar. (Oops, just aged myself there.) Seriously, do they BATHE in it?


Now, compare them to the married couple in their thirties. (For instance, Fire Daddy and I?) They're love has actually stood the test of time. What are they wearing? Blue jeans. Sure, they may have put on a nicer shirt than their usual t-shirts (or not), and they may have put on real shoes instead of their flip flops (or not). But THAT is love, folks.

Those youngins won't last the month.






After reading this, you might be thinking, "Boy. Some neurotic (yet classy) mommy must have had a stinky Valentine's Day this year..." Actually, I didn't. But that's another post entirely.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

A Moment for Reflection

Today, I spent a few hours digging deep to the bottom of my desk. (In fact, I'm still not finished...it is clean, but it needs some redesign.) After such a time-consuming, pain in the rear activity, I would like to take a few moments to reflect on my discoveries.

Exhibit A:Please take a moment to enlarge this image, as needed, to fully appreciate the annotations before I continue.

Done?

Great. Here's what I'm thinking:

A) For someone who is decently tech savvy and digitalized, why, oh why, do I still have so many pens and pencils and pieces of paper cluttering up my life? (I know at first glance it may not appear that there is much paper clutter here, but remember - this picture was taken POST cleaning. I shredded two bags of paper today.) Furthermore, why do I still need so many CONTAINERS for paper?

I am moving forward, folks. (And have been for a matter of years now.) I am greening-up my life. I pay my bills ONLINE. I request as many bills and documents sent to me ONLINE as possible. (More companies need to offer this. I would love nothing more than to do away with our world's reliance on the USPS. With rare exceptions, I find it a bit of a nuisance.) I keep my family and work calendars ONLINE at iGoogle. I keep DIGITAL lesson plans. I receive more and more paperwork from my school DIGITALLY. Where is all this paper coming from?? And, HOW DO I STOP IT?

B) I have a love-hate relationship with pencil sharpeners. I do write with pencils quite often, actually, and LOVE LOVE LOVE the feeling (and appearance) of writing with a REALLY SHARP pencil. (It's part of my School Supply Sickness, but that's another post.) However, pencil sharpeners MAKE SUCH MESSES! I cannot stand the lead dust and crumbly pencil shavings that, inevitably, spill out of it. I suppose they are a necessary evil. (Because mechanical pencils, while they are neat in their own right, just aren't the same to me.)

C) I am very sentimental. Notice the "love notes" attached to my monitor? They've been there for MONTHS. They're just little post-it notes Big Girl snuck in and left for me. How can I get rid of these? Also, the little craft project...it's actually a combination of two craft projects. We're talking high quality work, folks. Popsicle sticks, digital pics (of my baby) printed on regular paper (no photo paper quality work) and cut in the shape of a flower with little strips of tissue paper sticking out everywhere, crammed inside a tee-niny little bitty wooden flower pot (with playdoh to keep it stuck). I cannot get rid of this! You are heartless (and not a parent) if you tell me I should.

D) I HATE CDs. And their cases. This box is only one portion (I think) of the software CDs, photo CDs and various other (don't know what they are) CDs I have for the computer. They are dust collectors. What should I do with them? Those little CD album thingies are cute, until you outgrow them and need another. Then you're just collecting notebooks of CDs instead of boxes of CDs. Help! I want to purge!

Finally...

E) I have too much stuff. There. I said it. I'd love to sell the house and get a condo so we would FORCE ourselves to GET RID OF STUFF. In the end -- it's just stuff. You can't take it with you, right? What's important is my family, my children, my memories, and anything I can store digitally.


I need a bigger hard-drive.

Friday, February 6, 2009

A Slice of Neurosis

Call me crazy, but recently I became paranoid that my blog was starting to sound a little too...sane. I must rectify this, pronto. I thought the most efficient way to do this would be to just open up my head and let you crawl inside for a glimpse. Since that is not feasible, I guess I'll just spill some thoughts I had today. Here goes nothing.



I recently went out on a limb and decided to try Oil of Olay cold cream for the first time after it was recommended to me by more than one person. I'm sorry...what the heck, people? It's a bit like rubbing butter or Crisco on your face! Ugh! Water actually beads up on my hands - and there is a disgusting film in my sink! Not to mention what it seems to do to my washcloths...just gross. And, I tried and tried to put my grandmother's skin out of my mind...but I am Mema when I put it on my face. I just can't do it.



Girls' nights rock. I mean...don't you totally love putting on your favorite pjs, crawling under the warm covers and watching Barbie movies together with a couple of your best girlfriends? What? That's not what a girls night is? Oh. Well, don't tell the Princesses. ...I had a margarita first, does that count?


A little known fact about Florida women and winter...Florida Toe. I cannot claim credit for its title (I just whimpered about my sore toe until Melanie shared the name with me), but I am definitely suffering from it. My right thumb-toe (hate to call it a big toe, because it isn't big at all...however, it is quite "handy") has been sore for days from having to wear REAL SHOES. Ugh! The torment of cold temperatures! I miss my flip-flops and sandals!!



I found out today that our sheriff has a little star pin that he wears on his clothes when he is not in uniform. That's awesome. I want to call him Wyatt now. Or, even better, Mr. Earp.


I seem to be developing a serious immunity to caffeine. This could be fatal. Immediately after finishing my venti latte yesterday, I found myself yawning and sleepy. Today I had an extra shot of espresso and didn't feel it. Whatever shall I do? Must find a runner to make Starbucks runs midday for me while I'm at school.



I called in an 8 year-old to help me problem solve a carpool logistic situation today. Wonder why she gave me that blank stare and bee-bopped away so happily when I dismissed her? (Sans solution, of course.)



We ate dinner at a cruddy restaurant tonight. The service stank, the girls didn't eat their meals, my dinner wasn't good, and it took FOREVER...Drinks and bread were good...think you could go there and just get the rolls with your drinks? May need to peruse the menu for an extended period of time...


Someone needs to work on creating Breathe-Right strips with a special adhesive (and shape) engineered to stick to dog noses. I'm sure mine isn't the only snoring canine.


Watching five year-old little girls do the wheelbarrow walk, holding each other upside-down by the feet, is really funny. Thank goodness for those mats, though. One face-plant after another, smiling all the while. It's especially funny that the one holding the feet looks at themselves in the mirror the entire time...the mirror that is OVER THEIR SHOULDER.



I played Password with Big Girl in the car tonight. Somewhere, Happy Hour needs to include classic game shows. I'm thinking live versions of Password, Family Feud (or Friendly Feud), Press Your Luck! (Come on! Big bucks, big bucks, no whammies, NO WHAMMIES!), Let's Make A Deal, the Newlywed Game, the Gong Show. Perhaps it's just me. I think I would be REALLY GOOD on some of those shows.



I want to know who is playing a practical joke on me. This week I've received an onslaught of coupons, literature and samples from infant formula companies. It is extremely disappointing and disturbing to receive a key to the package box in your mailbox -- only to find that your package is a box of Similac. Especially when you are not -- and have NO intention of becoming -- pregnant. (But, that's another post entirely.)




By the way, hope you enjoyed my hidden treat in this post....for those of you, more curious, readers. Sorry, it wasn't so classy. I warned you about my sense of humor.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Bocephus On My Mind

This post has been a long time in the coming. It pertains to a topic that I have only alluded to in the past, but a topic that is very prevalent in my everyday life.

No, I'm not talking about Hank Williams, Jr., for those of you who know who Bocephus is. (Although, I do have very fond memories spawning from a different era of my life involving a certain gold-flecked adult beverage and this song. But, that's another post entirely. For now, why don't you indulge yourself, as I am right now, and listen to this song a little...let down your hair and let your mind wander back to younger, more carefree days, as you sing along and do a little soft stepping in your mind. Have fun. This post will be here when you come back.)

I'm talking, instead, about my darling beagle, Bo. Yes, his official name is "Bocephus". Fire Daddy named him that after I adopted Bo for him as a birthday gift from the Humane Society some 7 or 8 years ago. (Am I the only one who has trouble keeping track of the years now?) I'll never forget that day.

After visiting the animal shelter to just "check it out", I walked out with the only beagle they had. A beagle named Lou. My friend and partner in crime (she, herself, a lover of hounds and owner of bassets Winston and Stonewall), accompanied me to the nearest pet store to purchase the necessities. From there, I delivered the supplies to our apartment and immediately drove with Lou (certain this would not be his name for long) to the fire station.

Fire Daddy recalls hearing his fire brethren announce as I entered the bay, "Some lady's here with a dog." Somehow, for some reason, he knew it was me....with a dog I had not told him I was purchasing. (Because I didn't intend to, remember?)

We sat in the day room, giggling and watching him follow that compulsive beagle nose to every nook and cranny within walking distance. When the subject of names came up, it did not take long for Fire Daddy to pronounce him Bocephus - much to my objection. When the shortened version of Bo was explained, I reluctantly agreed.

Bo was his dog that day...and, perhaps, only that day. Ever since then, he has been mine. With the exception of cuddling into the cozy butt cave, Bo prefers me and always has. (You're probably wondering what the butt cave is...Fire Daddy lays on the couch with his legs propped on one end. Bo sees an opportunity for warmth and snuggles right up to his hind quarters, tucked under his thighs.)

Bo and I spent many sleepy evenings alone, cuddled on the couch together in that apartment. Fire Daddy worked hours and hours, days and days at a time, of overtime that year. You see, not only did we adopt our first child (Bo) that year, but we conceived our first baby, too. As my belly grew and my energy continually waned, Bo stayed by my side. When he would no long FIT by my side, he moved to the his perch on back of the couch.

I would arrive home from teaching, drag my weary, pregnant bones on his extra long walk around the apartment complex, and then crash for a "little nap", only to wake up at midnight, still in my clothes, and take him on his "bedtime" walk. It was safe. I had my vicious, guard dog to protect me. Then, because sleeping in his own kennel only lasted ....mmmmmm....two nights?, we would curl up in bed together until he beat my alarm to the punch in the early morning hours. (Growing boys wake up hungry.)

As we prepared for Big Girl's grand entrance, I read everything I could find on how to properly introduce the two children (yes, I'm referring to Bo and the baby); how to set their relationship off on the right foot. When she finally arrived at our apartment for the first time, after the hospital kicked us out at 9 PM on a Tuesday night (exactly 48 hours after delivery -- and not a minute more, Mr. Insurance Man), it was precious to watch him as he cautiously craned his neck, stretching his body to nearly twice its normal length, gingerly letting his nose investigate this curious creature without getting too close. Another moment I'll never forget. The meeting could not have gone smoother.

Now, fast forward nearly a month to our first July 4th together as a newly expanded family unit. Fire Daddy, as always on the Fourth, was at work. (Hello? Firecrackers everywhere? That's a busy night in his line of work.) I, on the other hand, was at home alone with a brand new baby, who still had her days and nights reversed, and a dog who was COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT by firecrackers. I recall that night very seriously considering jumping from the second story window in the baby's room. I thought the barking and screaming that night would never end.

It did eventually end, however. Since then, Bo has continued to provide us with amazing memories. For instance, there was the night he ate the chicken bones. Well, this actually happened on many occasions, but one night took the cake...er, the bones.

Fire Daddy's brother (we call him Diego Montana) was in town, preparing to fly out the next day for a camping trip on the West coast. We had enjoyed a lovely grilled meal of chicken wings, grilled corn on the cob, and some other scrumptious items that I do not recall. I, as usual, had tucked myself and Princess #1 (this was before Little Sister joined us) into bed at an early hour (this was also before the days of my compulsive insomnia), while the boys stayed up late chatting, giggling (yes, boys giggle), and compiling camping gear from each one's collection of supplies.

The excitement didn't begin until after midnight, when Fire Daddy quietly crept into our dark bedroom. The lights out throughout the house, I barely cracked my eyes in my sleep, until I realized Bo was nowhere to be found.

"Where's Bo?" I mumbled.

"He's not with you?"

"No...he was with you guys." I sat up, sensing danger.

Fire Daddy made the rounds in the house, calling in a hoarse whisper for Bo to come to bed. No response. I could feel the anger surge through my veins, sure that those silly boys were to blame for whatever bad event was to come of this...because nothing good would, I was sure.

After he returned to our room, without a four-legged companion, my panic grew. I questioned him about their actions throughout the night. When I learned they were in the garage for a period of time, digging through Rubbermaid tubs of camping gear, I knew what had happened. Bo was surely in the garage.

And he was.

He lumbered slowly, painfully into the kitchen once we opened the door. He had been waiting for us in the dark, poor thing. But we didn't know the half of it yet.

Why hadn't he scratched at the door? What had he been doing out there all that time? It had been at least half an hour...perhaps even a whole hour?

Dear God...check the trash.

You see, we learned long before that any items of potential danger needed to go directly to the outside trash. Beagles, and their noses, are quite resourceful. The beagle owner down the street had warned us of their beagle's amazing talents that led them to padlocking their refrigerator. Consequently, we had child locks on all our cabinets long before we had any children. We kept all trash cans securely behind closed (and locked) doors from the first day Bo joined our family. You learn fast when you learn the hard way.

The evidence did not bode well for poor Bo. The hole in the trash bag. (For some reason, that week, we had more trash than the two large cans we maintain could handle.) The hole in the plastic grocery bag INSIDE the black bag. The plastic grocery bag that had neatly packaged our chicken bones and corn cobs, that is. The TWENTY-FIVE chicken bones from our dinner for four. The twenty-five chicken bones that were, now, nowhere to be seen.

We returned to the kitchen like soldiers in retreat, our heads hung in despair and disappointment. Bo, bloated and moaning, lay on the den floor, waiting with his guilt.

We began Emergency Chicken Bone Procedures immediately. Amazingly, Bo ate the entire can of prescription I/D dog food we kept on hand for just such emergencies. (We'd been through a lot with him already.) After a brief heated discussion, we resigned to go to bed and try to sleep while we wait. Wait for the inevitable. I felt sure my dog would die this time.

The symptoms emerged around 6 AM. Fire Daddy was due at the station by 8, so he dressed early and carried Bocie into the vet. I, scared and alone, stayed to dress Big Girl and deliver us both to our daily destinations.

I can recall, on the quiet, somber ride that morning, my little girl asking me about Bo. Without the words, energy, or strength to tell explain the events of the night before or my predictions for the future, I simply replied that he wasn't feeling well and was at the doctor. Her childhood innocence allowed her to accept it at that and move on. I envied her ignorance.

My stomach was in knots throughout the whole of the day. News of Bo's condition was hard to come by. Especially since Fire Daddy was the primary contact for the vet -- and you know how men are with details.

In the end, though, the news was good. There was no blockage. After a few rounds of charcoal and hundreds of dollars in x-ray film (not to mention THE REST of the bill), Bo was released that evening. The vet was amazed he survived. In fact, he referred to Bo as a Miracle Dog. In all his years in veterinary medicine, he had NEVER seen that many chicken bones crammed in a dog's stomach and intestines. EVER. (I guess he's an overachiever, like me.)

This would not be the last time Bo amazed us and his doctors. Since that day, Bo has suffered from pancreatitis after catching a squirrel and liver disease. (His liver functions were literally off the charts. I took him in because he wasn't eating, had an upset tummy, and was generally "acting a little down". Again, they were floored he was not dead. Full recovery within twenty-four hours.) We, the doctors and I, have learned that Bo is an extraordinary dog.

As I type this post, listening to his ridiculously loud snoring on the couch behind me, my heart smiles. He's a crazy dog. He's a naughty dog. He's a slightly overweight dog. But, he loves me. He licks my tears. He cuddles with me when I'm sick. He is always happy to see me, and thrilled just to sit on my lap and get a little love. Sure, he toots when he stretches...and it's really gross. But, I forgive him. He's my boy. He's Bocephus.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I'm going to wet my pants.

Like many of us, my favorite parts of the holidays are not necessarily related to the gifts. Or even the food. Yummy...

Like many mommies, I absolutely love the excitement on my children's faces - throughout the entire season. I love watching the surprise, joy, disbelief-yet-belief, and fascination in their eyes each time they see signs of Christmas Magic. I love their little voices singing Rudolph and Jingle Bells in the backseat. Hearing them squeal at holiday lights - even the weakest displays - as we drive through the neighborhood. I love how Big Girl and I fain surprise each year to find, once again, the same collection of toy soldiers, wreaths, bells, French horns and angels suspended from the street lamps on 3rd Street. These things, of course, are a few of my favorite Mommy Holiday Moments.

I have not, though, been a Mommy forever. Consequently, some of my holiday favorites are completely unrelated to my Darling Princesses.

For instance, I so look forward to the family tradition my brothers and I have developed. It seems that, even as an adult, my siblings have a unique effect on me. They bring me to tears with laughter. In fact, they nearly bring me to wetting myself...EVERY TIME. It is just as it has always been. I cannot put my finger on the mystery behind their power over my Giggle Box. Nonetheless, they are masters at overturning it.

Perhaps it is their abilities to impersonate and speak in accents. Very politically INcorrect accents.

Perhaps their mere presence summons my personal immaturities. It never fails that our conversations, at some point, turn to bodily functions.

Perhaps it is the Power of Three. Any Charmed fans out there??

Perhaps it is merely contagious, and they were looking forward to this fun as much as I was.

Perhaps it is the unique bond that only siblings can know. After all, we've been "playing together" all our lives.

Whatever the cause, I'm so glad it's there. I'm also thankful to see this bond - this love of laughter - emerging in my daughters' sistership. My husband and I love to hear their giggles escalate to side-splitting, pants-wetting decibels. We turn, smiling to each other, oblivious to whatever it is that is so funny. For a moment, we both giggle, too....

...until we have to yell at them....but that is another post.

Friday, December 12, 2008

A Runaway Train

This year, my darling Big Brother and sister-in-law, have orchestrated a family reunion trip to Disney World for the holidays. By family reunion, I do not mean the "greats" and "seconds". I mean the grandparents (MJ and Pop), the siblings (Big Brother, Little Brother*term used loosely because they both tower over me, et moi), the spouses (Sister #1 - "Louanne", Sister #2 - "Tammy" , and Fire Daddy), and the little squirts (Big Girl, Little Girl and Curly Cuz -who belongs to Little Brother and Tammy, and is the same age as Big Girl, 5).

___________________________________________________________________

That's how I started this post yesterday morning. However, the inspiration has faded...I'll tell more about that little excursion later. Another time, another post. Instead, a tiny detail within that paragaph caught my eye......Anyone up for a ride on a runaway train? I'm rollin' with it!

Speaking of Louanne and Tammy...those are not their real names. As I was running to the restroom yesterday for the upteenth time (started the day with a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte with an extra shot of espresso, quickly followed with a Large Sweet Tea from Mickey D's), the subject of nicknames entered my mind. My sister Tammy is desperately trying to dub me "Jens". I'm not sure why, apparently she thinks it fits. Do I mind? Not at all. In fact, I'm a big fan of nicknames.

In the past, I've been referred to as "Jen-nay" (the Forrest Gump years), "Honeydew" (or some other fruit...old boyfriend), "Jen Mama" (best friend), my middle name alone for some folks, my last name alone seems to stick for others, and "Princess" (a man at my school's current name for me). Then there's the parental nicknames of "Pumpkin" and "Lizardabeth" or just "Lizard". Not to mention the original nickname -- "Jenn". Funny, my parents did not start that. A friend did. Consequently, when my sister Louanne met me, I think she thought I didn't like "Jenny". She made visible efforts to always refer to me as "Jenn", apologizing if she slipped and called me by my first name.

In the end, I don't mind. I didn't even mind when folks stretched my name and spoke it like poor ol' Forrest. Nicknames don't bother me -- well, within reason. I can't say I loved it when my father-in-law called me "Hippo" for a short time. But, I also realize he was just pullin' my pigtails.

There is one name I do mind. Jennifer. Allow me to publicly proclaim this now.

My name is NOT Jennifer.

Just because MOST parents name their child Jennifer and call them Jenny, does NOT mean I am a Jennifer.

My Birth Certificate clearly states that my name is Jenny. J-E-N-N-Y. That's all.

Get over it folks.

Please do not call me Jennifer.


I must say, over the years, believe it or not, I have mellowed about this...a little. For instance, there is one teacher at my school that comes to mind. She is convinced, I know, that I am Jennifer. I know this, because she calls me Jennifer in the middle of sentences ALL THE TIME.

"I'm telling you, Jennifer, you should hear........"

I am not so rude, anymore, to correct her. I'm waiting, patiently and politely, for an appropriate moment to sweetly explain, "By the way. I don't mean to be rude, so please don't take this the wrong way, but..." and then apologize profusely.

I did this last year -- in an email -- with a different teacher at my school. I'm afraid she thought I was snapping at her, despite my prefacing the correction with disclaimers and following up with apologies.

What has the world come to? I recall a time in the 6th grade when I blatantly argued with a teacher -- with the whole class as my witness -- that my name WAS NOT Jennifer.

T: Jennifer.....blah blah blah....
Me: (silence)
T: Jennifer!
Me: Are you talking to me?
T: I said "Jennifer"...
Me: My name's not Jennifer. It's Jenny.
T: Yes. But, it's really Jennifer.
Me: No. It's really Jenny.
T: Yes, but your parents really named you Jennifer and you like to be called Jenny.
Me: No. My parents really named me Jenny and I go by Jenny. It's on my Birth Certificate. Would you like to see it?

What a smartie pants. I think back on that day and am embarrassed at how rude I was to that adult. However, I also think about some of the fifth graders I work with, and the sixth graders I worked with years ago, and realize I wasn't that far off the norm for my age. They're pretty bold, folks.

For all those Jennifers out there, I'm sorry. It's nothing personal, nothing against the name, but I have grown to hate that name. I promise - I don't mean it personally. I've had dozens of friends -- good friends, best friends, friends I've loved, friends I've wanted to be more like -- named Jennifer. Apparently, Jennys, Jennifers, and Jens gravitate toward each other. They also gravitate towards Kims and Kimberlys, but that's another post.

Just don't call ME Jennifer.

Whew. I feel better.

Thanks for listening.

As for Louanne and Tammy? Those are, yes my family's weird, their "Country Music Names". I wasn't present on the day they were dubbed, but as I understand it, Country Music Names are derived, somehow, from the second letter in your first name. ???

.....Ellie? Emmylou?

What would yours be?
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