Bad Habits

I have GOT to do something about my bad habits!

For one, I've developed a very bad habit of NOT waking up in the morning. Well, I guess technically I do EVENTUALLY wake up...but not until an hour to two hours after my I.W.T. (Intended Waking Time). I used to be good at this. Just a few short years ago, I was heading out the door to the gym by 4:15 AM every morning Fire Daddy was on the premises. Yes, you read that correctly. FOUR. A. M.

Now, I faithfully set my alarm - correction, alarmS (I set my clock and the Pink Lady each night) - for four, 4:15, 4:30...and repeatedly press snooze on both alarms until nearly 6:00 AM (sometimes later). This, as you can imagine, does not delight Fire Daddy. In fact, I'm beginning to suspect he might be a bit annoyed with this recent change in my morning routine.

Another bad habit I really MUST do something about involves candy. A lot of candy. Have you ever noticed how addicting those cute little bite-sized candies, like M&Ms and Skittles, are? Oh. My. Gosh. I can eat WAAAAY more of those each day than I care to admit.

I partially blame my work environment. I am a teacher. Schools -- elementary schools -- have more candy than Carter's has pills! I am surrounded by it! Wherever I go, there it is, ready for me to snag another bite, another handful, another Fun Size bag. Perhaps it's my coworker's cutie-patootie little bubble gum machine candy jar, or the bottomless bowl of sugary sweets in the mail room, or the permanent jar of M&Ms that resides on that desk I walk past fifty times per day in the office, or my own candy basket in my own classroom. And it doesn't stop when I leave school for a meeting or inservice. Little chocolate fairies seem to sprinkle tiny treats everywhere I go.

I MUST remember how to say NO. I am no longer 16. (Oh my goodness, I'm almost twice that.) My high school days of sitting in television production class after Second Lunch, surrounded by a flock of boys, as I popped my Skittles (sorted, first, by color) one by one - are gone. No longer can I be "The Skittle Queen", as they so lovingly dubbed me. I must rely on something other than sugar to get me through my afternoons without a bad case of The Slumps or The Grumps. (Those sweet boys were so thoughtful. They quickly learned to recognize the symptoms and never failed to send a runner for that all important red bag on days I was without. ...I wonder what happened to them. Maybe I can find them on Facebook....but that's another post.)

Finally, I know you might be shocked to hear this, but I seem to have developed a rather crippling addiction to caffeine as of late. One day last week, I realized just before dinner that every beverage I had consumed that day contained caffeine. I mean every last one of them. I began my day with a triple venti skinny vanilla latte from some cute little coffee joint I frequent. I chased that latte with a series of Diet Cokes from my office mini-fridge. As I finally found myself choosing a drink to accompany my evening meal (probably something terribly healthy, by the way), I was at a loss. I was ashamed as I reflected on my day's liquid intake.

Consequently, I made a decision to REDUCE (no cold turkey for me) my caffeine intake to one beverage per day. (Note: A triple latte is still, technically, one beverage. It is served in one cup.) I am thankful for my Caffeine Drinkers Anonymous support network on twitter. They encouraged me to stick with it through the headaches, use Excederin as a crutch, and they, inevitably, overlooked my falling off the wagon on Day 3. And Day 5.

In short, I am severely lacking in the Self Discipline Department lately. I really must do something about this.

I'll start tomorrow. Better go set my alarms.

Any Takers?

I'm interested in conducting a little experiment.

Recently, I've been juggling a lot. Well, not anymore recently than for the past 6 years or so of my life... I'm fairly decent at juggling. It's survival of the fittest, right? One of the things I've been thinking about in particular, though, is juggling goals within myself.

Sure, there's the goals of being a great mom, being a great wife, being a great teacher, being a great writer, perhaps, one day...but that's not the goals I'm referring to right now. I'm thinking about the Really Important Stuff. I'm talking about being a Beautiful Babe, a Healthy Her, and Queen of the World.



What? What on Earth am I talking about? Why would you ask that? Isn't it completely obvious? Here's your tutorial.

Beautiful Babe

We've all had bad hair days, right? And, the reality is, a bad hair day isn't always your hair. Sometimes it's really more of a bad skin day, a bad outfit day, a bad make-up day, or a just-plain, "I'm hideous!" day. If you have never had an "I'm hideous!" day -- I hate you. And you're lying.

The other side of the coin is the days when you look at yourself in the mirror and think, "Wow. I did pretty good today!" The days when you think, "Why can't I look like this everyday?" The days when you say to your husband (or wife), "How can you stand to live with someone as GORGEOUS as me???" (heh heh) THOSE are "Beautiful Babe Days".

Healthy Her (or Him, for my male readers)

We all know what is good for us and what is bad for us, right? So, I'll spare you the lecture on the dangers of drinking excessively, smoking, sitting on your duff all day long without exercising, eating junk food, drinking too much caffeine, etc.

We all also know what our own personal weaknesses and struggles are in this category. No one is perfect - quit lying to yourself. My own personal weaknesses vary from drinking too much caffeine, eating too many sweets and fast food (I'm a Mommy-On-The-Go. Don't judge me.), falling in and out of good exercise routines, dieting off and on (Though, to my credit, I support Weight Watchers, which is a very well balanced option.), and occasionally diving into a bottle of wine at home in the evening.

Now that we've silently admitted our own struggles, we can also celebrate our efforts to improve ourselves and shed the monkey(s) from our backs. I wake up, more days than not, thinking about my goals and how I need to take better of myself. Some days, I go to bed proud of myself for all my good choices, will power, and dedication throughout my day. THOSE days are Healthy Her Days.


Queen of the World (Alright, alright...You fellows can be Kings. Man, you guys are high maintenance.)

I hope this title has envoked in you memories of Leonardo DiCaprio on the bow of the Titanic, screaming at the top of his lungs as the wind blows in his hair and a glorious sun sets on the horizon. Good. Now that we're all done reminiscing...moving on.

Other than being, quite possibly, the cheesiest scene in cinematic history, Leonardo did capture a certain feeling in that scene. The feeling that the world is going your way and everyone loves you. (I've alluded to this feeling before.) The feeling that adds that extra spring to your step and puts music in your mind. You find yourself smiling for no reason. You are successful. You are smart. You have lots of friends. People want to be with you and care what you think. You are GOING SOMEWHERE, babe! The sky is the limit!!

THOSE days are Queen of the World Days.

My Purpose
Now that you've learned the jargon, let's talk statistics.

If you'll recall, I began this post speaking of juggling. Think, for a moment, about the nature of juggling. While one ball is up, another is down, and some are in the route up or down. This is not unlike life (at least for me). I'm wondering, though, if there is a correlation between the elements described above. Is there a pattern? And, if there is, can I identify it? And, if I can, can I subsequently find a way to capture these elements SIMULTANEOUSLY??? Because that is, in my reality, a rare occurence.

Procedures
So, my experiment goes a little like this...

Participants will track their days on a scale of 1-3 (No need to get complicated. A simple "high, medium, low" rating is sufficient.) in each of the three categories: Beautiful Babe, Healthy Her, and Queen of the World. As much as it pains me to say this, it will need to be done daily to be worth a flip. Ugh. Just the sight of the word daily makes me cringe. I SOOOO don't do "daily" stuff well. A system as simple as markings on a calendar for a month or so to collect the data, then we can pool the data, chart it, graph it, calculate important figures like mean, median and mode, analyze it for patterns...and all kinds of Very Smart Stuff. Maybe we can find the secret to life!

Conclusion...

Hmmmm. Sounds like a lot of work. Scratch that. Would anyone else be interested in conducting an experiment and emailing me the results? I've got a blog to update...

A Dash of Bitterness, Tempered With a Sprinkle of Gratitude

I shared an engaging conversation with my Big Brother (we'll call him Abner) last night. (By the way, this is someone whom I hope to, one day, invite to write a guest post.) Our conversation ranged from hopeful gratitude to resigned bitterness. This conversation was on my mind for a while afterwards, and still today. So much so, in fact, that I've decided to take a few moments to wallow in a bit of bitterness and gratitude.



Bitter To the Bitter End




I'm not bitter about much, but there are a few things that really chafe me, a few things of which I just cannot let go. Here are three off the top of my head.




1. Badly behaved stars who STILL make millions of dollars on each movie/album. (Side note: I have no idea if it is appropriate to refer to them as "albums", since NO ONE that I know of produces vinyl anymore. I considered calling it a CD, but then I realized that many people skip those now and download straight to the iPod. So, forgive my ignorance and insert whatever it is you call a collection of songs nowadays.) I mean, please, people. Think about Tom Cruise's embarrassing behavior towards sweet, cute, smart and simply wonderful Matt Lauer a while back. Doesn't he deserve to be dropped down a notch on the Pay Scale o'Super Stars after that embarrassing display? Or, for another example, Brittany Spears. What a disaster! Don't you agree her "albums" should be placed in the Bargain Bin after such a rediculous series of events? Russell Crow's repeated outbursts and anger fits. Lindsay Lohan's drunken and drugged escapades. Naomi Campbell's temper tantrum and cell phone throwing. Come on, people...are there no consequences in this world?




** I'm sure you can understand why Tom Cruise, in particular, ticked me off in this clip. As a former sufferer of post-partum depression..and currently require said psychiatric drugs to function in life, I beg to differ with his opinions. Besides the fact, Brooke Shields is my girl.


2. Calories in chocolate. PLEASE, PEOPLE! Chocolate should be considered PHARMACEUTICAL and, therefore, CALORIE FREE! I mean, scientists can clone sheep, concoct triple cocktails to sustain life with HIV, make seedless watermelons...but you can't muster up the brainpower to take the calories out of chocolate??? I feel certain there is a demand for it. Perhaps I should start selling brown, magnetic ribbons to put on the back of our cars in support of Calorie Free Chocolate Research. (Please note, I do NOT in ANYWAY intend to belittle the need for supporting other, very valid and important causes, such as Breast Cancer or Autism. I just think the Calorie Free Chocolate Movement deserves respect, too.)


3. The Fall of 80's Dance Moves. I know you've heard the phrase "white men can't dance". HELLO??? In the 80's, EVERYONE COULD DANCE! Now, don't get intimidated, folks. I'm not necessarily referring to the slightly more tricky moves, such as the Roger Rabbit, the Running Man, or the Robot. Nor am I referring to the complex, specialized form of dance referred to as "Break Dancing". That stands alone in a class of its own. I'm talking about the classic bounce, clap, side-step combo that allowed every man, woman and child acceptance on a dance floor. If we can just bring those moves back into popularity, Fire Daddy may actually dance with me in public (without having a pitcher of a certain brewed adult beverage first).


Gratitude: It's a Good Thing.


Readers, I know we all have stress in our lives. You don't want to read a blog filled with such depressing negativity. In an effort to leave you on a positive note today (I couldn't bear to lose one of my eleven, precious followers) I feel compelled to demonstrate my gratitude for the good things in life. Of course, I could go on for days about how grateful I am for my family, friends, children, home, country, blah blah blah...but that's a given, right? You already know how eternally grateful I am for the Pink Lady, the Hornet, Starbucks workers, and my drug-induced sanity, so I won't bore you with those details again. Here, though, are a few items I think you might appreciate.




1. Completely immature comedies. I admit it. I am a BIG FAN of stupidity on the silver screen. I mean, one of the movies that made me laugh more than any other I can recall is Waiting (not to mention the fact that cute, adorable, funny Ryan Reynolds played one of the main characters). You would be hard-pressed to find more grotesque and inappropriate humor than that found in this movie. I also simply ADORE nearly any movie that Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller and/or Adam Sandler make. I am not so proper that I cannot laugh at bodily functions and embarrassing mishaps (that may, or may not, involve indecent exposure). For those of you who are, I say - get over yourself, lighten up, and live a little.





2. Music videos on the gym televisions. Are you ready for another confession? I do not yet own an iPod, or even a generic MP3 player. Yes. Me. Twitterer, blogger, Blackberry-addicted ME. I recently bought an 8 gig chip for my Blackberry, in hopes of using it as an MP3 player, but I've been experiencing some technical difficulties and haven't had a chance to drag my busy bootie into the phone store for technical support. So, in the meantime, I rely solely on Bailey's Gym TV. Thank goodness for that! Without this, albeit predictable, mix of Madonna, Avril Lavigne, Gwen Stefani, Olivia Newton John, and various other artists that I do not know by name (I'm horrible with names of famous people...until they're badly behaved and they make it to the black list), I would be stuck. Alone on the treadmill with muted Fox News, ESPN, CNN, infomercials (at 4 AM), reruns of X-Files, and various versions of cheesy law enforcement reality shows. I wouldn't make it past the first mile. Ever.


3. Mrs. Paul's, Tyson, Campbell's, and cereal. Aaaaah...how I love thee, let me count the ways. 'Tis better to serve junk than serve nothing at all, right? As a working mother, I cannot count the nights when I have been without resources, energy, or withitness to plan a proper meal for my pretty princesses. However, thanks to Mrs. Paul's, they can eat fish (in the form of a stick). Thanks to Tyson, let them eat chicken (nuggets). A hearty bowl of Disney Princess or Dora soup, on occasion, courtesy of Campbell's. And, when all else fails, Froot Loops it is.



I suppose I should have included Nabisco, as well, in appreciation of their breakfast options. Is it bad that my two year-old refers to Fig Newtons as "breakfast cookies"? They're filled with 100% real fruit....



4. Uniforms and Foreign Accents. Need I say much about this? Isn't it fairly self-explanatory? Either of these two attributes is enough to make nearly any man or woman a god/goddess of love in the eyes of the opposite sex. Let's just say...if I keep practicing my Mary Poppins accent with the Little Princesses, and happen to take up volunteering at a local hospital, I'd be beating them off with a stick!

Pour Moi???

A gift for me???

After my good friend, Melanie, read my post detailing my recent brush with the ugly side of aging, she picked me up a little surprise. After informing me of her purchase via twitter, my mind raced to solve this riddle. Whatever could it be? How exciting!

In the hubbub of the first Monday back from a holiday weekend, I had forgotten all about my pending surprise. Until, she walked in the door.

My children were doing something profound, as always. I think they were cutting out spelling words. She crossed to me, grinning ear to ear, and presented me with a little, white box. Well, scratch that. I don't want to mislead you. It was a flat, white box...rather like a box of decongestant. In fact, upon closer inspection, it looked very pharmaceutical-ly.

After I recovered from my initial confusion...I couldn't have been happier!!!

Keep out of reach of chocoholics. Oops.

BOCHOX: For relief from the symptoms of wrinkles and crow's feet.

Warning -- May cause weight gain if used incorrectly. Tell me about it!

IMPORTANT: ...IF SEAL HAS BEEN BROKEN SUSPECT EVERYONE. BOCHOX CAN BE HABIT FORMING.

NOT TO BE TAKEN seriously.


I absolutely love it!!! Thanks, Melanie!