I’m such a follower.

Have you ever done something and thought “Why am I doing this???”  Yeah. Me too.  Really recently, in fact.

A few weeks ago, I was teasing my friend Melanie about her online gaming.  When I say “online gaming”, I am not referring to the “World of Warcraft” types of games that my darling brother plays.  No, I’m talking about the far more pointless – albeit no less addicting -  variety,  like Farmville and 4Square. 

Melanie’s (and at least half a dozen other folks’) Farmville updates clog up my Facebook newsfeed.  This I find humorous because I have nothing to do with virtual agriculture or livestock.  Nothing, I say.  Nada.  So, I couldn’t resist ribbing my dear friend when her little thumbnail Google maps started flooding in on top of her pleas for help with her manure shoveling duties…or whatever it is you people do in Farmville. 

And then, in a moment I’m not proud of, I downloaded that silly app to my Blackberry, and now I’m checkin’ in all over town.  

“Why on Earth am I playing this silly game?” I ask myself regularly.

Today alone was worth it.  Now, I am truly hooked.

The Girlies and I had to make a quick run to Target for some eye make-up remover and a new water filter for my coffee maker.   A trip, by the way, that AMAZINGLY cost me UNDER $30!!! I know you know why I’m celebrating that. And if you don’t know, keep it to yourself because I may begin to hate you.  While I sat in the car, waiting for my little shoppers to finish chowing down on their pretzels and whales (imitation Goldfish) so we could shop without crumbs, I dutifully checked in on my 4 Square app. 

SURPRISE!!!!! “You just ousted Melanie as the Mayor of Target!”

heh. heh. heh.

A sinister smile smeared across my face as I headed in for my necessities. 

Later, as I unloaded in my driveway, The Pink Lady chirped. 

“Mayor Nash…are you still here?”

Melanie was pulling into Target and must have just received the news of her displacement.  We had a good laugh, and moved on with our day.

A short while later, I saw that she had ousted some Random Dude as the Mayor of Chick-Fil-A.  This was even better….

Me: …and how do you think Random Dude feels about this?

Her: Same way I felt when you ousted me!

Me: heh heh. :) don't you know it's probably worse when it's someone you don't know?  at least you can smile and laugh with me about it - he's probably all "that crazy Melanie, the bitch, I'll show her!!!! - I'll take a number one with a diet coke!" LOL

Yes, folks.  This is what life is all about:  ousting your friends for a good laugh, and ousting strangers for an even better one. 

We’re kicking ass and taking names.

Now, who’s  up for some 4 Square???  Anyone?

It's Friday...

I think I'm starting a new tradition.

Friday = Day of Celebration

It started with exhaustion. Three Fridays in a row, the girlies and I (mostly I) drug ourselves home after a long week, too tired to consider the prospects for dinner. Enter online pizza ordering. Quickly, punctuating a streak of school days with a pizza dinner has become a tradition my girls adore. (And, thanks to weekly emails from takeout pizza places, I'm feeding the family "out" for under $20, tip included.)

Of course, being the wannabe overachiever that I am, I couldn't leave it at that. Last week, the girls and I baked a triple chocolate cake for no reason other than (a) gluttony, and (b) it was Friday. Fortunately for us, we were still able to find a reason to celebrate Saturday and Sunday...and even Monday night! (We, conveniently, ran out of reasons to celebrate as soon as the cake was gone.)

This weekend, I've wondered, how am I going to follow that act?

Well, with pizza (and bread sticks - the other part of this week's special) in my belly, I've decided upon a giveaway.

Yes! You read that right!

DO YOU FEEL LUCKY TONIGHT??? (If not, don't worry...you've got a week.)

I am SO excited to announce my first Friday Freebie!!!

Here's the deal:

Thanks to the kind folks over at DigitalRoom.com, one super-duper lucky reader (residing within the US only....sorry. I know I'm really big overseas and all...) will receive a FREE 18x24" rolled poster print.

BUT, WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!! I know some of you (MyMama) might be thinking, "Do I have to pay shipping?" HECK, NO!!! Because included in this fabulous prize is FREE shipping via UPS Ground service. (I'll do my best to pull some strings and dig up the hottie customer service representative that used to deliver to my place of business a few years back. He was SOOO cute professional!)

Now, if you're like me, you're probably in the process of sizing this giveaway up. "What do I need a 18x24" poster print for? Do I really need this? What are my chances of winnng? What do I have to do?"

First of all, I can think of lots of different things to do with this poster.

Ever watched HGTV? Have you seen how they take your own family photos and blow them up in black and white, find a frame, and **presto** you've got very expensive-looking and chic wall hanging?

Expecting a baby? Working on a nursery? Take close-up photos of baby items or realia centered around the nursery's theme (i.e. off center photo of teddy's face, a great picture of fresh flowers or a butterfly, an extreme close-up of a toy firetruck, etc.).

Are you a teacher? Perhaps you've been looking for a reward for a special child or special goal. Classroom decoration? Or maybe you would like to enlarge an image to create your own classroom reference poster?

Finally, perhaps you might be interested in a little PhotoShop fun...Would you like a poster of yourself with someone from YOUR "List of Five"? Want a souvenir from that trip to Europe you never took? Get creative and have fun with this fun Friday Freebie!!!

Now, here's how you can enter to win:

1. Leave a comment explaining how you would use your poster if you win.

But that's not all!!! THERE'S MORE! Want to improve your odds? You can also...

2. Tweet about this giveaway using the tag #giveaway and link back to this post. (Leave a separate comment here to increase your chances of winning after you've done this .)

3. Share this post as a link on Facebook. (Leave a separate comment here after you've done this.)

4. Are you a blogger, too? Blog about this giveaway! (Leave a separate comment here after you've done this.)

The deadline to enter to win is Friday, September 25th, at 8PM EST.

This is so exciting! I can't wait to play!

Good luck, everyone! Don't forget to stop back in next weekend to see who won!

Can't we just be friends?...but not on Facebook, OK?

.....bzzzzzz.......bzzzzzzzz........chirp, chirp.........chirp, chirp.........

The red light is flashing on your Blackberry.

Your mobile Facebook app alerts you to a new friend request.

WHAT???? WHO???? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!

The last time you spoke to them you were red-faced, tear-streaked, humiliated and desperate. They dumped you. (Or, the other way around...the last time you spoke to them, THEY were red-faced, tear-streaked, humiliated and desperate...and you just wanted OUT!) NOW they want to be your friend on Facebook???

Do you...

(a) "ignore" and never look back.

(b) scope out the profile and THEN hit "ignore".

(c) choose "confirm" and ignore their existence.

(d) choose "confirm" and let by-gones be by-gones.

(e) choose "confirm" and then go check out your OWN profile to see what it looks like from the perspective of an ex-boyfriend seeing it for the first time.

Forgive me, dear readers...but, with the VERY RARE exception, I really don't need to be friends with my ex-boyfriends on Facebook -- and I CERTAINLY would NEVER be the instigator of said friendship!!!

It's bad enough when you get those awkward friend requests from Cool Kid or Not-So Cool Kid who you barely knew and aren't even sure if you share any connections outside attending the same high school and MAYBE the same graduating class. I am dying to say to them, "We didn't find it necessary to be friends when we lived in the same neighborhood and/or attended the same school, why on Earth should we be friends NOW?" But, instead, I weigh the factors carefully and selectively confirm or ignore on a case-by-case basis. (In some cases, this decision has actually hinged upon consulting other Facebook friends -- thank goodness for that "you have 7 mutual friends" alert!)

It's times like these when I roll my eyes at Facebook. Sometimes it feels like the 5th year of high school....and high school REALLY doesn't need to extend beyond four, now does it? (If you answer yes to this, perhaps you should analyze your own Facebook friend requesting patterns.)

So, for future reference, Random Person That Apparently Went To My High School, it's nothing personal...but if you're the type who sends out friend requests to everyone Facebook recommends as long as you vaguely recognize their name, just skip right over poor little me, please. And don't take it personally if you never hear back from that friend request you sent. It can't be personal because I DON'T KNOW YOU!

Except in the case of ex-boyfriends. I do know you and it is personal. That part was decided LONG AGO, buddy.

Now, if you'll excuse me...I have some profiles to go check out.

(I'll let you decide who's profile I'm headed to....)

Photo credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaysha/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Just Sittin' Around, Talkin' About Boys

In some ways, I'll never grow up.

I was "tagged" in a Facebook note-meme this week called "Finish the Sentence". One sentence was particularly interesting.

I'll always.... and I completed it with ...be a daydreamer.

This is not to say that I am a "faraway" girl (i.e. can't focus on something smack dab in front of me because I'm hyper-focused on the clouds out the window or the hangnail on my thumb or something equally obscure). But, I am still the girl who looks in the mirror and wonders what I'm going to be when I grow up. I am still the same girl who imagines one day gracing the stage with my presence once again. I am still the same girl who believes in true love and fairy tales and dreams come true. I am still the same girl who dreams.
That sounds so sweet, doesn't it?

I will never grow up in other ways, too, though.

For instance, I will NEVER quit having girly crushes on handsome men. ...And something tells me I'm not alone in this.

I found myself tonight, as I was in a dreadfully boring inservice working late with some coworkers, talking about stars on whom we have had/currently have crushes. It started innocently enough. Someone had tickets to a concert coming up, this led to discussing othermusicians coming to town, and before I know it - my latest "musical crush" was revealed - Jack Johnson.

I know he's not the ABSOLUTELY MOST handsome man in the world -- but OH. MY. GOSH. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE his music and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE his voice. And, from what I make out (Hee! Hee! I said "make out" about Jack Johnson!) he is definitely cute. AND, he used to be a professional surfer! THAT'S HOT!!!

(Um, HELLO? I used to have pictures of Kelly Slater snipped from Teen magazine pinned to my bedroom wall. Don't get me started about surfers...)

After all, isn't that what a crush is? A silly infatuation for someone based on fluff? Often times, overrated fluff, at that...

Another crush of mine, as mentioned before in my photo mosaic meme, John Cusack. I have "loved" him since Say Anything. Come stand outside my window holding a ridiculously large (I mean, really? Where were iPods then?), antiquated, Peter-Gabriel-cassette-tape-playing boom box ANYDAY, baby.

Why? What is it about him?

I don't know. He's cute.

I could go on and say other, more mature, reasons. He's a talented actor. If you have seen Grace is Gone you would never argue against this point. He's intelligent. Have you seen him speak? He and I are politically like-minded. War, Inc. Yadda yadda yadda... He's cute. All that other stuff is icing on the cake. I also realized, while writing this, I like his voice, too. Perhaps there's something about a man's voice that makes him more attractive to me.

I could go on to name at least half a dozen other adorable men on whom I have crushes. And, yes, Fire Daddy is well aware of them. And, if, for some reason, he isn't, it's not because I have been hiding them from him. I mean, I know he LOVES Alyssa Milano and a few other "hot chicks". But that's not the point.


The point is...I guess I'll never really be too old for crushes and sitting around with girlfriends, giggling and making googly eyes as we drool over "boys" from afar.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Bad Habits

I have GOT to do something about my bad habits!

For one, I've developed a very bad habit of NOT waking up in the morning. Well, I guess technically I do EVENTUALLY wake up...but not until an hour to two hours after my I.W.T. (Intended Waking Time). I used to be good at this. Just a few short years ago, I was heading out the door to the gym by 4:15 AM every morning Fire Daddy was on the premises. Yes, you read that correctly. FOUR. A. M.

Now, I faithfully set my alarm - correction, alarmS (I set my clock and the Pink Lady each night) - for four, 4:15, 4:30...and repeatedly press snooze on both alarms until nearly 6:00 AM (sometimes later). This, as you can imagine, does not delight Fire Daddy. In fact, I'm beginning to suspect he might be a bit annoyed with this recent change in my morning routine.

Another bad habit I really MUST do something about involves candy. A lot of candy. Have you ever noticed how addicting those cute little bite-sized candies, like M&Ms and Skittles, are? Oh. My. Gosh. I can eat WAAAAY more of those each day than I care to admit.

I partially blame my work environment. I am a teacher. Schools -- elementary schools -- have more candy than Carter's has pills! I am surrounded by it! Wherever I go, there it is, ready for me to snag another bite, another handful, another Fun Size bag. Perhaps it's my coworker's cutie-patootie little bubble gum machine candy jar, or the bottomless bowl of sugary sweets in the mail room, or the permanent jar of M&Ms that resides on that desk I walk past fifty times per day in the office, or my own candy basket in my own classroom. And it doesn't stop when I leave school for a meeting or inservice. Little chocolate fairies seem to sprinkle tiny treats everywhere I go.

I MUST remember how to say NO. I am no longer 16. (Oh my goodness, I'm almost twice that.) My high school days of sitting in television production class after Second Lunch, surrounded by a flock of boys, as I popped my Skittles (sorted, first, by color) one by one - are gone. No longer can I be "The Skittle Queen", as they so lovingly dubbed me. I must rely on something other than sugar to get me through my afternoons without a bad case of The Slumps or The Grumps. (Those sweet boys were so thoughtful. They quickly learned to recognize the symptoms and never failed to send a runner for that all important red bag on days I was without. ...I wonder what happened to them. Maybe I can find them on Facebook....but that's another post.)

Finally, I know you might be shocked to hear this, but I seem to have developed a rather crippling addiction to caffeine as of late. One day last week, I realized just before dinner that every beverage I had consumed that day contained caffeine. I mean every last one of them. I began my day with a triple venti skinny vanilla latte from some cute little coffee joint I frequent. I chased that latte with a series of Diet Cokes from my office mini-fridge. As I finally found myself choosing a drink to accompany my evening meal (probably something terribly healthy, by the way), I was at a loss. I was ashamed as I reflected on my day's liquid intake.

Consequently, I made a decision to REDUCE (no cold turkey for me) my caffeine intake to one beverage per day. (Note: A triple latte is still, technically, one beverage. It is served in one cup.) I am thankful for my Caffeine Drinkers Anonymous support network on twitter. They encouraged me to stick with it through the headaches, use Excederin as a crutch, and they, inevitably, overlooked my falling off the wagon on Day 3. And Day 5.

In short, I am severely lacking in the Self Discipline Department lately. I really must do something about this.

I'll start tomorrow. Better go set my alarms.

Friends In Low Places

I'm sure you've heard the old addage, "You lay down with dogs and you wake up with fleas." Have you ever felt like a friend was a bad influence on you? Recently, I've realized that I've got just such a friend.


We'll call her..."Tiffany". Tiffany is like a gateway drug. She is my portal to addiction. Perhaps, I should explain.

First of all, Tiffany is the reason this blog exists. As well as my THREE other blogs. (Can you say NEUROTIC, boys and girls?) Tiffany is the reason I twitter. Tiffany is the reason I Googled my life a few years back. Or whenever it was - I've lost track. Let me check my Google Calendar... Tiffany is the reason I, subsequently, needed a Blackberry. And, finally, Tiffany is the reason I recently experimented AGAIN.

To be fair, I can take blame for her "involvement" (I really wouldn't classify it as an addiction) in Facebook....as well as a few others. And, like a good little addict (You know I try to be the best at everything I do. None of this wishy-washy, willy-nilly stuff for me.), I try to recruit as many new Blackberry users, twitterers, and bloggers as possible, too. But, I wouldn't be "spreading the word" if it weren't for her. (Think: pyramid scheme.)



Now, don't get me wrong...I love Tiffany. (Don't worry, Mr. Starbucks Man. It's not the same as you and me.) Our Little Darlings get along, we have a lot in common, we laugh together, we see eye-t0-eye about a lot of Really Important Teacher Stuff, she gives me gifts...it's a good thing. (Which is lucky, because she keeps telling me she may be moving in with me next year.)

I think now, dear readers, would be a good time to tell you about my latest experimentation.



You see, Tiffany has been granted this Very Exciting Professional Opportunity. She's going to host a "blog tour" with a REAL AUTHOR to promote their new book. Now, in typical Tiffany fashion, she had to think big. So, what did she decide to do? Well, she's hosting the book talk in Second Life.


Being the Gateway to the Empire of Addictions, as she is, this is not the first time she's pitched Second Life to me. Prior to this upcoming event, it seemed too "Little Brother" for me. (My brother Jethro is fluent in the online gaming world.) It also reminded me of a CSI episode I saw a long time ago (a "long time ago" in TV Land time, that is). I decided it was NOT FOR ME.

However, I'm not afraid of a little experimentation. I can handle something a little "outside my boundaries", right? I live on the edge. I can strut my stuff on the wild side, too, right?


I sucked it up and registered for Second Life.


Woah.


"Standing" in Second Life, taking care of a few priorities first (sculpting the perfect face and body), I flashed back to my first frat party at UF.

There I was, this street-stupid girl with issues about crowds, standing amidst a sea of nearly professional drinkers. A sea of STRANGERS. Well, all except my street-smart Miamian roommate. I'll never forget the moment someone said "5-0". I stood motionless, completely unaware and oblivious, until my guardian roommate took action and drug me along. As I followed her stupidly, she had to explain to me that "5-0" means COPS. (Turned out to be a prank, by the way. But it wouldn't have mattered to me, right? I don't like beer.)

How was it the same, you ask? Well, not unlike the fraternity party, I felt completely inferior to others around me. I felt completely vulnerable. I wanted to be invisible. I prayed that no one tried to talk to me - or, worse, proposition me. I wanted to make a sign to hang above my head that said, "New here. Don't come near me." Or, a sign that said, "I'm not here to have fun. I just want to look decent for this teacher thing coming up." I considered playing mute. (That wasn't too far from the truth. I was definitely handicapped.)

To make a long story short, I don't think SL is compatible with my computer, which is a good thing. I don't think I'm ready for that...yet. So, if you are a Second Lifer, and you happen to run into this newbie gal named "Ella Rembrandt" who is standing somewhere staring at a wall - don't bother trying to talk to her. Just walk the other way...






As for Tiffany and I? No hard feelings. I love her like a druggie loves their dealer.

Will you be my BFF?

**Author's Note: As it turns out, the plans have changed for the blog book tour. It will not be hosted in Second Life...but, that's another blog post.**

Status Updates

I admit it. I've become addicted.

It all started when I made a new best friend. I call her, The Pink Lady. She's pretty. She's skinny. (I should be so lucky!) Her two favorite colors are my two favorite colors (pink and black). She LOVES to talk....and chat...and twitter...and Facebook. (Funny how it has become a verb, isn't it?) She and I go EVERYWHERE together. I feel naked without her.




My Blackberry an I have become inseparable. I have, as a friend put it, "pimped out" my phone to include Facebook, twitter, and Google apps. The world is at my fingertips!

Consequently, my fingertips are very busy lately. It is so easy to connect with the world in 140 characters or less, that I have, inadvertently, become unmotivated to blog. It seems like such a big commitment to sit down and write a whole post!!! (What??? I don't have that kind of time!!! I can't focus for that long!!! Give me the 30 seconds or less version, please.)

I've considered posting. Really, I have. But, I just can't seem to think of something worthy of a post! However, during the time since my last post, I am embarrassed to say, I have found the need to post nearly 100 "worthy" updates -- on twitter alone!

I never thought I'd see this day come. I have become noncommittal. Apparently, I am just looking for a one night stand. No relationships. Just tweet and run.

Do you have time for THIS??

I came to my computer tonight to add some new photos to my Facebook albums. In my hand, I innocently carried a few tasty cookies...Mommy Munchies, if you will. However, with snacking as my greatest downfall, I could not just stop there. As I returned to the pantry for another handful, I started to think about all the yummy treats I buy for the little Princesses that I wind up eating myself! I wondered, what are your favorite stolen treats?

I know, I'll blog this. As I began my search for a photo image of my newest favorite treat, Keebler Frosted Animal Cookies (with sprinkles, might I add), I was shocked at the results!

See all Grocery reviews at Expotv

OH - MY - GOSH! PLEASE tell me this is their part-time, work-at-home-so-I-can-be-a-Stay-At-Home-Mommy job! If not, what the hee-haw are you doing all day??? How, in the name of Motherhood, do you have TIME to record and post reviews of GROCERIES!!!

And what's more, WHO IN THE WORLD HAS TIME TO RESEARCH THEIR GROCERIES LIKE THIS??? Especially someone who is shopping for FROSTED ANIMAL CRACKERS!

The most frightening part...there were more reviews of this very same product!

OK. I make my grocery decisions in about 1 second flat. On the rare occasion, I might linger in front of an aisle for thirty seconds or so...but only in Grocery Emergencies. (You know what I'm talking about...when Target is sold out of the Market Fresh Strawberry Gummies, or when Publix quit carrying the Barbie the Island Princess Pop-Tarts, or when they've had a run on frozen green peas. Dire situations, such as these, merit a quick trip back to the drawing board before panic sets in!)

I'd like to meet the parent who actually takes the time research consumer reviews about children's snacks before they make a purchase.

Ding-dong.

(Child opens the door.)

Me: Is your mommy home?

Child: Yes.

Me: Can I speak to her?

Child: No.

Me: Why not?

Child: She's busy.

Me: That's OK...I promise not to stay long.

Child: Sorry, she'll be a while. She taking a bubble bath.