Can't we just be friends?...but not on Facebook, OK?

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The red light is flashing on your Blackberry.

Your mobile Facebook app alerts you to a new friend request.

WHAT???? WHO???? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!

The last time you spoke to them you were red-faced, tear-streaked, humiliated and desperate. They dumped you. (Or, the other way around...the last time you spoke to them, THEY were red-faced, tear-streaked, humiliated and desperate...and you just wanted OUT!) NOW they want to be your friend on Facebook???

Do you...

(a) "ignore" and never look back.

(b) scope out the profile and THEN hit "ignore".

(c) choose "confirm" and ignore their existence.

(d) choose "confirm" and let by-gones be by-gones.

(e) choose "confirm" and then go check out your OWN profile to see what it looks like from the perspective of an ex-boyfriend seeing it for the first time.

Forgive me, dear readers...but, with the VERY RARE exception, I really don't need to be friends with my ex-boyfriends on Facebook -- and I CERTAINLY would NEVER be the instigator of said friendship!!!

It's bad enough when you get those awkward friend requests from Cool Kid or Not-So Cool Kid who you barely knew and aren't even sure if you share any connections outside attending the same high school and MAYBE the same graduating class. I am dying to say to them, "We didn't find it necessary to be friends when we lived in the same neighborhood and/or attended the same school, why on Earth should we be friends NOW?" But, instead, I weigh the factors carefully and selectively confirm or ignore on a case-by-case basis. (In some cases, this decision has actually hinged upon consulting other Facebook friends -- thank goodness for that "you have 7 mutual friends" alert!)

It's times like these when I roll my eyes at Facebook. Sometimes it feels like the 5th year of high school....and high school REALLY doesn't need to extend beyond four, now does it? (If you answer yes to this, perhaps you should analyze your own Facebook friend requesting patterns.)

So, for future reference, Random Person That Apparently Went To My High School, it's nothing personal...but if you're the type who sends out friend requests to everyone Facebook recommends as long as you vaguely recognize their name, just skip right over poor little me, please. And don't take it personally if you never hear back from that friend request you sent. It can't be personal because I DON'T KNOW YOU!

Except in the case of ex-boyfriends. I do know you and it is personal. That part was decided LONG AGO, buddy.

Now, if you'll excuse me...I have some profiles to go check out.

(I'll let you decide who's profile I'm headed to....)

Photo credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaysha/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0