Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's Fake'n Bake...and It Helped!

Disclaimer: If you are inclined to lectures, don't read any further.  There are some people who may be prone to be scornful of my behavior (namely: my dermatologist, my mother, Tiffany, and probably more).  With all due respect, save your breath.  I'm puttin' on my Big Girl Panties and puttin' my foot down.  To quote No Doubt, "It's my life".

Spring has arrived, and not a moment too soon.  I am so thankful for the warm sun, the cool breeze, the brilliant blue sky, and the promise of breaks.  Spring break.  Summer vacation.  Real vacation.  Beach time.  Pool time.  Backyard kiddie pools.  Sprinkler play.  

Then, it occurs to me...swimsuit season.  Dear. God. Save. Me.

To Do:
1. Get rockin' bod before spring break.
2. Get tan.  Correction - get "non-reflective".

As you know, I'm working hard at gettin' my groove back.  This leaves getting tan.  

Aaaaaah...'tis the season to fake bake.  

Many years, I treat myself to a few spring sessions in the oven to jumpstart my summery style.  In addition to the cosmetic factor, I revel in an equally enjoyable mental benefit.  Lying atop a plexiglass table beneath the heat of synthetic sunshine, listening to the dull hum of the blue bulbs and roaring fans, I turn off the world around me.  My worries roll back in my head and hide beneath my eyelids (beneath their space goggles).  For a solid fifteen minutes, there are no interruptions.  No distractions.  No fussing.  No working.  No cleaning.  No eating.  (Except when I snag a Jolly Rancher from the bowl at the check-in desk.)  Not even sleep.  It is a meditation, of sorts.  Just breathing and baking.

So, the bottom line is:  I don't do it for the tan entirely.  It's for my sanity...however relative that might be.


  1. Nice new digs.

    And no judgement here.

  2. I've never done this because I'm freaked out by the coffin - I mean bed. But I may have to get over that seeing as it's probably going to be another two months before it's warm enough here to lay out. Really, you're just giving me one more reason I need to pack my bags for a FL vacay. :)

  3. @Cheryl see that bed above? It doesn't coffin for me -- think "Open MRI". :)

  4. Ha! I wish i could see what Penny would do with a kong. She used to be scared well, poopless of all toys, but she has gotten so much braver...I think I'll have to get one for her.

  5. Amen sista. I'm with you on the few sessions of baking although there is one part I particularly dislike-the slight aroma of partially baked flesh. I'm sure that's not a good sign. :)

  6. Oh, I love the fake bake. It's like being at the beach for a few minutes, esp. since I don't have vacation till July!


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