Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of 2009

I cannot remember feeling like this before.  Ever.   kentucky_trip_dec09 086

I cannot wait for 2009 to be over.

Always before, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day meant very little to me.  It was just another day.  A new calendar.  A new picture looking back at me from my wall.  Another hash mark.  Another year older – which was neither here, nor there to me.

This year is different.  2009 just feels sour. 

In January 2009, my life was filled with highs and lows.  My marriage was strained with tension while my professional life was demanding, yet successful.  Over the course of this year, those highs and lows have traded places time and time again.  Finances have been like a roller coaster, and the truth has hurt.  I have shed many tears this year.

Yet, to put things in perspective, I really can’t complain.  I’m coming out on the other side still in a warm home, in a stronger, happier marriage, and still the mother of two bright, talented, and beautiful daughters.  Really, I have lost very little this year. 

Black Friday 011 Surprisingly, when I try to put my finger on the single greatest gift 2009 has brought to my home this year, I have to say the newest addition to my little family, our dog Daisy, definitely takes the prize.  She brought youth back to my Big Boy, Bo.  She makes my girlies and I so happy, and has been a wonderful playmate to us all.  I am so thankful for her.

Coming in a close second, the remodel of our front and back yards.  We’ve already reaped the benefit of the time, effort, and dollars FireDaddy & I invested into our back yard, in particular, at least five times over.  Both of us agree that watching the girlies run, laugh, sit, read, play, jump, chase, swing and otherwise revel in their childhood out back is one of our favorite pastimes.  They’ve camped, picnicked, splashed, dug, bubbled, chalked, planted, and meandered to their heart’s content.  It is truly a simple thing we treasure.

Unfortunately, 2009 is leaving me 10-15 pounds heavier than it found me.  Lately, my own reflection has been a bit gruesome – my hair needs cutting (and coloring), my 30-something acne has returned (destined to be a seasonal burden), and my new muffin-top makes my wardrobe more than a little less than flattering (or comfortable).  All of the above leave me unhappy with myself, in more than one way.  I’m disappointed that I have done this to myself – again.  I’m overwhelmed by the hard work that stands between “this me” and “the me I want to be” – again.  And, as my girlies are growing older and becoming increasingly more aware of their Mommy’s struggles, I’m disappointed that I’m setting such a poor example for them.  Pretty much, I suck. 

I still don’t place too much stock in New Year’s Resolutions and other such short-lived delusions.  But, everyone needs a kick in the rear at times, yes?  Everyone needs a new beginning – if even just a symbolic one.  Everyone deserves a second chance…or a third chance…or a thirty-third chance.

So there, 2009.  Be gone with you.  Don’t let the door hit you in the rear, bitch.

7 comments:

  1. I'd love to see photos of your before/after remodel. We are cursed with fire ants so our yard is pretty much a ghost town.

    I hope you're able to make the changes you want in the New Year. I can tell by all the highs you noted, you are setting a fabulous example for your girls.

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  2. You can get a haircut and lose a few pounds. Those things are so insignificant compared to all the other things you have. You shouldn't let those things get you down. Seriously - if you get a haircut, you've resolved 50% of them. Every 5 lbs you lose is another 20% of your problem.

    "Tough times never last, but tough people do."

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  3. You can also be proud of the fact that you tirelessly went around and collected goods for a family whos home was destroyed by fire. You made a difference in their life you can be proud of that :)

    Jenn

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  4. As I read this, I kept waiting for the part about your friend moving away!! Just kidding! I am soooo with you on the 10-15 lbs & being overwhelmed at the work that means in 2010. We can do this! Bring it on 2010!!

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  5. I still can't believe you said bitch on your blog.
    xo

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  6. Such a good reflection, but I'm with Jen... you don't suck. I think it's good for children to see struggles and how their parents cope and overcome them. Personally, I'd like to send 2010 packing already, but I'll be patient for it to get better. I hope your year winds up being a great one. (In other news, I cannot believe I'm first reading/commenting on a post from December... apparently I'm not trying hard enough to keep up in the blogosphere, lol).

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