Judge not, that ye be not judged.

I was making my bed one morning when something came up about a crab.  Without thinking too much, I made reference to my own association with a crab.  This, most obviously, raised questions and eyebrows with BigGirl.

I don’t remember when I first learned about astrology.  I suppose it was a piece-meal process found within the pages of Mama’s morning newspaper horoscope section and the back pages of Glamour magazines.  Regardless of its origin, I’ve always been naturally drawn to astrology.  I latched on and nursed it fervently, thirsty for more.  It was sweet and familiar and comforting.  I have returned to it time and time again throughout my adolescent and adult life. 

On that morning with BigGirl, I stood at the edge of my bed, smoothing sheets.  Pulling at the coverlet.  Neatly piling pillows, European, standard, throw, bolster.  I talked about stars and planets and symbols – crabs, twins, scales, fish, insects, lions.  I spoke of constellations and personal traits.  She listened, wide-eyed and fascinated.  Until, as I finally draped the chocolate blanket gracefully at the foot of my side of the bed, we left our lesson and the Wedgewood blue walls of my bedroom behind us for the day.

The next night, questions arose again.  I retrieved my trusty bank of astrological knowledge from the top shelf, and we poured through its pages together at the kitchen table.  FireDaddy joined us and dove into the pages for a few moments before passing it back. 

He remembered the many late nights I spent long ago on the floor of our office, leaning over my bulbous pregnant tummy, working on birth charts.  Consulting the internet for latitude and longitude coordinates for our birth places – first mine, then his, and finally BigGirl’s.  BabyGirl’s had yet to be determined. 

I remembered the mess of numbers and charts that flooded my mind for weeks.  I could see my yellow legal pad and scraps of paper with notes about days, times, places, and calculations.  Long stretches of self-doubt had been broken by fleeting, yet glorious, moments of triumph and sure success. 

I am aware that many people do not condone or believe in the mysterious knowledge revealed by the stars.  But, that doesn’t really matter to me.  I love watching BigGirl’s knowledge, theories, understanding of this universe grow and change everyday.  She, a brilliant star somewhere within the Gemini constellation, will form her own beliefs and feelings about God, heaven, and our amazingly temporary existence on this plane of consciousness. 

As her mother, I will open my heart, spirit, and beliefs for her to freely question and explore.  She will know the word namaste and, I hope, believe it.  I will tell her my stories of angels and baby Jesus and visits from souls of friends and family who’ve passed.  I will listen as she asks why God makes things happen and what I believe lies in the darkness between the stars. 

Until the day for which I’m anxious finally arrives, when I will hear from her lips how her intuitive little mind has explained the wonders of our world.  And, on that day, I will be the wide-eyed student and she will teach me.