Would anyone miss it when it was gone?

The world has a way of sneaking up on you sometimes.

Today, I came inches from squishing this booger with my new springy pastel pink floral flops.  That would’ve been a tragedy. (I’ll let you infer into that statement as you wish.)

Instead, I gasped and recovered quickly enough to grab my Nikon and paralyze him into a digital image…or 9.  Which is really quite funny, because I really do not care for frogs or toads or, pretty much, any of the reptilian and/or amphibian classes or phylums or whatever you call it.  But nearly smearing this ugly dude’s guts all over my coveted sandals was more than enough to merit a moment of inspection and pseudo-appreciation.  I mean, he did just have a near miss with his chance to be reincarnated as something a little higher on the food chain, right?

After I satisfied my urge to photo document all of life’s little oddities and chance encounters, I packed up my camera and set off for the day.  As I rambled through my usual routines of prepping a classroom, Friday spelling tests, giggles and gasps at our adored daily read aloud, spring recess (the very best kind), spinach salad eaten en route back to the dining room, raised hands, messy backpacks, and our beloved alma mater ceremoniously bringing our school day to a close via “all call”, that same ugly mug played chicken with me over and over again in my mind.

I thought about him (or her?) as I backed out of my driveway.  I wondered where it would go.  Was it already gone?  What if it decided to escape and made the fatal mistake of hopping towards the driveway - rather than away from it – and I murdered it with my Firestone?  I have to trust that, were that the case, it was just meant to be.  His (or her) number was up.  The universe has a way of making things happen, you know?

Sometimes, it’s just time.  Sometimes, the jig is up.  Obviously, this fellow (I’m just going to run with the guy option.  Surely if it was a chick she would have some rosy cheeks or something, right?  I mean, it’s hard to find a good man out there, right?  If she ever wants to make some tadpoles with a nice, family sort of toad/frog/thing, then she’s got to strut her stuff… right?) has completed his cycle of life.  I’ve seen the diagrams in our science labs at school.  He’s at the top of the circle.  All arrows lead to him.

And you know what else?  I don’t believe in coincidences.  I’m certain that things happen for a reason.  I think little Tommy Toad was planted for me to write this post.  It’s a post that I’ve been stewing on, sitting on, trying to squish down for a while.

Sometimes, I think I’m like that toad. (Except, I’d rather be a frog, thanks.  Smoother skin.)  Sometimes, all I can do is freeze.  Hope I blend in.  If I smile and stay really still, no one will notice my buggy eyes.  Be veh-wee, veh-wee quiet.

I’m going into quiet mode for now.  I’m going to try to blend into the scenery for a while and just watch the world around me.  I’m not motivated to write what is appropriate to share, and not willing to share what I’m motivated to write.  I going to lie still beneath that pink sandal hovering above my head, and hope the shoe doesn’t drop. 

After all, a frog’s best defense from predators is it’s camouflage.  Well, unless it’s a poisonous frog.  Then it’s painted all sorts of pretty colors.  While I do like pretty colors, I think I’ll save the poison for another fairy tale.

*****

Just a note…

Thanks for reading.  I’m taking a break.  There’s a lot bumping around in my head right now – about the blogging and internet world, friends, family, marriage, and boundaries.  Lots and lots about boundaries.  I am going to take a hiatus with my notebooks and freely express without hurting feelings, offending beliefs, or being judged. 

Love to you all.

I’ll keep you posted on my impending return.  I hope you’ll be open to the possibilities.

Jenny