This day actually snuck up on me, believe it or not.
Wow. What a month it has been.
I'm bitten by the nostalgia bug right now. I feel a bit as though I'm graduating from something. I'm filled with sentiment and a dash of emptiness. No regret, though. (Well, except for that one day that I crashed without posting. A day that will live in infamy...)
As I bid adieu to the month my "Beautiful September", and I look back on my list of posts, I have to ask myself what I've learned.
1. Writing is not a strength everyday. Just like everything else, there are good days and bad days.
2. I need "me" time. And, writing can be that.
3. Prioritizing makes anything happen.
4. It is possible to burn out on writing. But, it is only temporary.
5. Writing daily truly transforms your thinking. There is a little burner in your mind that never really stops simmering.
6. Some days I want to write just for me - for no one else to see. Whether I keep it tucked away in a spiral somewhere, rip it up, or burn it, somethings are just for me.
Even after NaBloPoMo, I continue to struggle with some thoughts. For instance,
1. I read a quote from an author months ago that said something to the effect of "the day I became a writer was the day I stopped writing for myself and started writing for my audience". I have been through phases of thinking, with this blog especially, in which I've agreed and disagreed with that quote. True - it is MY blog. But, what good is a blog without readers? It may as well be in my spiral beside my bed. False - if I think not of myself, I don't like my writing...and if I don't like it, who will?
2. And, depending on which way the pendulum is swinging on that particular day, what is the purpose of this blog? Is there one? Is it a useful tool or a guilty pleasure?
And, finally, I'm left with a decision to make.
The neurotic part of me sees this month as a failure. I missed a day. I cannot truly congratulate myself on a month of daily posting. Do I dare attempt a perfect month in October? If not October, another month?
The rational side of me, though, sees it for what it is, recognizes the feat it has been to pull this off - even imperfectly - and looks forward to the relief that comes from NOT "having to" post daily. That side of me also hopes that, without the pressure to produce even without true inspiration, the quality of my posts will improve and be more consistent. Elements of my life have definitely taken a blow from the relative neglect (even my sleep) because of this little pet project.
The insecure and needy side of me worries that perhaps my readers - even the silent ones - will go away. There is a nice reward in knowing folks are reading, even if their face doesn't appear on the sidebar and their name doesn't pop up in my comments.
So, here it is, September 30th, and I stand before you with many questions and few answers. I can say, though, that it has been a great month.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on my Beautiful September. Even you, ghost readers.
That's all for now. I'll see you tomorrow for a little Girl Talk.